Wow. Look where we are today. Already.
I have not been reflecting as deeply as I imagine, but I think it may be cathartic to list down my (random) thoughts.
The highlight in the past month has been me surviving solo-parenting. The husband went away for work for 3 full weeks, in a different time zone, and it was so amazing to welcome him home this morning. Hooray.
In this time, I realise that life is able to operate on auto-pilot. Yes, I still have to nag the kids. Yes, I still have to plan our time. Yes, I get cranky. Yes, we got into fights and I yelled at them. But overall, the moments pass and I hope the children remember more of our cuddles and discipline in routine (especially with doing homework) and our special time together (eating waffles and ice-cream, for example) than the boring/displeasing grind. I know I want to remember our fun outings, than the homework time.
Our weekends were relatively filled with baby-time (with the nephew and godson), and family time, and library time. The daughter and I definitely have a clear routine of Sunday breakfasts with each other and I kinda like that together.
My gym membership has ended and I am now trying to get back into the routine of working out by myself and the reliable youtube videos/Nike Training App. I still don't feel very fit but I think I'm still keeping pretty active.
Some key highlights in the past 6 months:
1. We went to USA!
Yes, for 2 solid weeks, my family and I were together. It was an amazing time together celebrating family love (even getting annoyed with each other), experiencing the Big Apple and more. We ate we shopped, we laughed, we drank... we also survived the very very long flight with 2 oldies >60yo, 2 young ones age 7 & 10, and an 11-month baby - what an experience!
2. I raised S$3,080 for my Race Against Cancer!
On a whim, inspired by some gfs, I signed up for a 15-km run. The highlights was that I ran it with the husband, and I started a fundraising site then unabashedly called for donations and pooled S$3,080. It's my first time trying this and I must say it was a humbling experience. I was so touched by the support, and also ran a good run with the husband. Win-Win!
3. I learnt how to rollerblade
While I did not invest time or money in the courses I thought I wanted to do, I did end up learning something I shelved for years (5 years, to be exact. Ever since K learnt how to blade when she was 5). I am not great, but I can blade and it is so fulfilling to do so!
4. Routine, routine, routine
It is already Sep and we have a decent routine. Yes, it is still painful at times, but generally the kids get it. They go to bed between 930pm-10pm, they play/do some work in the afternoons, I go home to them and revise work/hangout with them... the big girl has gotten into the hang of getting through her school term so far pretty ok - with no paid tuition. I think it has been fulfilling and the more we do it, the easier it is. Yes, we still fight but I think it is still pretty... ok. The boy has no issues with his school or work and is receptive to doing extra revisions that I set for him so yay. No drama.
4. Relationship work-in-good-progress
This is probably my biggest heartache/heart-love. It's still a work-in-progress, but it is still lovely and we are working at it.
In two weeks, my daughter turns 10. What a milestone!
Story of our simple lives - of our family, of our beautiful children, Kate & Jake
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Reflections, quarter one, two oh one nine
Last December, I wondered why I only did reflections end of the year. If it felt fulfilling to rewind the moments (of course the good was better but the bad also made the good better), why did I not just do more of it? So, I set monthly reminders - last Saturday of each month, recurring reminders from January to December.
Have I succeeded? Well, the below was a draft I started in January 2019. I did not get around to really sitting down my ass to truly think, and my feeble attempt was to jot down the loose thoughts I had.
January 2019.
1. I shall spend money on experiences, not material things.
2. I shall spend more time with my family - collectively as awesome-foursome; but also individually (alone with the husband and daughter and son) to have quality time together.
3. Read books
4. Continue with consistent exercise - HIIT / yoga / running
5. Take up a course - I'm considering a yoga-certification, or a personal trainer certification course
6. Save money
===========================================================
I remember thinking that it was just not good enough. I did not have enough real thoughts, that it felt lame to just toss those out as they were just a list of my resolutions.
Today is the last day of March. I realise that perfect can be over-rated. What is a perfect composition/post? Also, so much happens that the point of me reminding myself to reflect regularly is to just capture all that had happened; so it is not necessary for drama. I also think I did not bother enough to reflect. So, here goes... I'll start with my list.
Spending on experiences, not material things.
I think I did fine on this. Truth be told, I did spend on some things. I got some new underwear, and skincare for myself, I also bought clothes for the children. I also have purchased groceries relentlessly - woe be to (too much) convenience of online shopping. I have browsed, ala 'window shopping' online, but never tempted to add to cart or check out. So good job, well done to me.
The husband and I also went for a concert together. It was a pretty understated singer, known to the xin yao folks in the 1990s; and it was enjoyable enough. We then had a bonus night of supper, which has also led us to more adventures of new supper spots in our hood. I hope we continue to do this - again, experience plus time together, win!
Time with family.
I never stopped doing this, but can I do more? Of course.
Our family rolled into a new routine for Saturdays as the husband and I split duties per child to take on activities with them - rugby (new thing) for the boy, homework revision (constant old) with the girl. We paid to watch our first rugby match as a family due to this new interest of the son's, and we will be going for more.
We continue our family meals when we can and Friday evenings with the family is truly the best way to launch into the weekend.
The relationship with the girl can be better, as we seem to spend (too much) time discussing and fighting over work. The boy is adapting well into primary school and is pretty much a breeze to handle around academics.
The husband and I have a pretty clockwork system of taking a child to school each on most days and it is working out well.
I have not done time alone too much with the children, and the movie tickets are still in the house somewhere, unused. Gotta use them soon!
Reading and exercising
The former is going a bit slow, the latter is going well. I have read some books, but lost the reading zest as I couldn't find more palatable books to consume. I'm currently re-reading a book from Jodi Picoult which I have read before; but because it is kinda moody and super touching to the core; it suits my pensive mood and so I am on it. May I constantly find good reads and have the luck to get sucked into the world of whatever it is.
Just took my stats at the gym 2 days back and it read pretty much 95% the same as end Jan, so I guess I'm doing well. I still get my cravings (which usually results in cravings 1 - self-discipline 0). The husband lamented that I was very skinny, and so I guess it is mostly my mind playing tricks than actually how much I look, so I shall not complain and be thankful that I have a healthy and fit body to keep active.
Take up a course / saving
I was considering a Personal Trainer course - I went as far as to write in to enquire about a course; spoke to a girlfriend about it but it has come to nothing. I cannot commit to it.
I also considered a yoga certification, and went as far as to a yoga clinic which talked me through the course, schedule... my take-away was that I think that school is not bad and I quite liked the yoga teacher, but again, I cannot commit.
A part of it all was money (which I wanted to save) but truth is I think it is just not a priority enough for me. It all takes time away from my family and I think I am ok to drop this thought this year. My want to be with the family is greater than the need for my certification; so I will park this guilt-free. I shall continue to keep active so that I can still find my happiness in sweating out on my own, or with the trustworthy apps/sites that has been keeping me in good company.
Saving up - I am trying, and I am also spending. We are parking aside good money for our travel plans this year, so I am willingly putting it aside. One clear area of improvement is in the grocery department, so I'll see how I manage that better.
There. Nothing too hard, nothing too exciting, and I've done a quick check against how I am achieving and it has been not too bad at all.
Now, for the hard, gritty part.
Three weeks ago, I celebrated my birthday. It started with meals with colleagues & family, a much-desired massage that helped with my stiff neck & shoulders, flowers, beach time and dinner with my closest, day with the kids and I collected pictures which I wanted to post and commemorate me turning 39. That day turned out to be truly memorable, in a very unexpected way.
I believe 18 March will always hold a different for me hereon.
The days that followed were dark and sad, and I was in a space that I had nearly forgotten of. Years ago, the macabre and dramatic June dwelled in that space pretty often (unhealthily so) and I was thrown back into those days of darkness. My sense of self-worth was very low, and I only managed to get through the days because I much preferred to pretend that all was well, and because the kids were priority. Having to support and take them through their days like clockwork made it helpful to move along; but I was in a very bad space.
The husband and I had a hard talk some days later and it has now been 3 weeks. Things are better, way better but I definitely learnt some good lessons.
Have I succeeded? Well, the below was a draft I started in January 2019. I did not get around to really sitting down my ass to truly think, and my feeble attempt was to jot down the loose thoughts I had.
January 2019.
1. I shall spend money on experiences, not material things.
2. I shall spend more time with my family - collectively as awesome-foursome; but also individually (alone with the husband and daughter and son) to have quality time together.
3. Read books
4. Continue with consistent exercise - HIIT / yoga / running
5. Take up a course - I'm considering a yoga-certification, or a personal trainer certification course
6. Save money
===========================================================
I remember thinking that it was just not good enough. I did not have enough real thoughts, that it felt lame to just toss those out as they were just a list of my resolutions.
Today is the last day of March. I realise that perfect can be over-rated. What is a perfect composition/post? Also, so much happens that the point of me reminding myself to reflect regularly is to just capture all that had happened; so it is not necessary for drama. I also think I did not bother enough to reflect. So, here goes... I'll start with my list.
Spending on experiences, not material things.
I think I did fine on this. Truth be told, I did spend on some things. I got some new underwear, and skincare for myself, I also bought clothes for the children. I also have purchased groceries relentlessly - woe be to (too much) convenience of online shopping. I have browsed, ala 'window shopping' online, but never tempted to add to cart or check out. So good job, well done to me.
The husband and I also went for a concert together. It was a pretty understated singer, known to the xin yao folks in the 1990s; and it was enjoyable enough. We then had a bonus night of supper, which has also led us to more adventures of new supper spots in our hood. I hope we continue to do this - again, experience plus time together, win!
Time with family.
I never stopped doing this, but can I do more? Of course.
Our family rolled into a new routine for Saturdays as the husband and I split duties per child to take on activities with them - rugby (new thing) for the boy, homework revision (constant old) with the girl. We paid to watch our first rugby match as a family due to this new interest of the son's, and we will be going for more.
We continue our family meals when we can and Friday evenings with the family is truly the best way to launch into the weekend.
The relationship with the girl can be better, as we seem to spend (too much) time discussing and fighting over work. The boy is adapting well into primary school and is pretty much a breeze to handle around academics.
The husband and I have a pretty clockwork system of taking a child to school each on most days and it is working out well.
I have not done time alone too much with the children, and the movie tickets are still in the house somewhere, unused. Gotta use them soon!
Reading and exercising
The former is going a bit slow, the latter is going well. I have read some books, but lost the reading zest as I couldn't find more palatable books to consume. I'm currently re-reading a book from Jodi Picoult which I have read before; but because it is kinda moody and super touching to the core; it suits my pensive mood and so I am on it. May I constantly find good reads and have the luck to get sucked into the world of whatever it is.
Just took my stats at the gym 2 days back and it read pretty much 95% the same as end Jan, so I guess I'm doing well. I still get my cravings (which usually results in cravings 1 - self-discipline 0). The husband lamented that I was very skinny, and so I guess it is mostly my mind playing tricks than actually how much I look, so I shall not complain and be thankful that I have a healthy and fit body to keep active.
Take up a course / saving
I was considering a Personal Trainer course - I went as far as to write in to enquire about a course; spoke to a girlfriend about it but it has come to nothing. I cannot commit to it.
I also considered a yoga certification, and went as far as to a yoga clinic which talked me through the course, schedule... my take-away was that I think that school is not bad and I quite liked the yoga teacher, but again, I cannot commit.
A part of it all was money (which I wanted to save) but truth is I think it is just not a priority enough for me. It all takes time away from my family and I think I am ok to drop this thought this year. My want to be with the family is greater than the need for my certification; so I will park this guilt-free. I shall continue to keep active so that I can still find my happiness in sweating out on my own, or with the trustworthy apps/sites that has been keeping me in good company.
Saving up - I am trying, and I am also spending. We are parking aside good money for our travel plans this year, so I am willingly putting it aside. One clear area of improvement is in the grocery department, so I'll see how I manage that better.
There. Nothing too hard, nothing too exciting, and I've done a quick check against how I am achieving and it has been not too bad at all.
Now, for the hard, gritty part.
Three weeks ago, I celebrated my birthday. It started with meals with colleagues & family, a much-desired massage that helped with my stiff neck & shoulders, flowers, beach time and dinner with my closest, day with the kids and I collected pictures which I wanted to post and commemorate me turning 39. That day turned out to be truly memorable, in a very unexpected way.
I believe 18 March will always hold a different for me hereon.
The days that followed were dark and sad, and I was in a space that I had nearly forgotten of. Years ago, the macabre and dramatic June dwelled in that space pretty often (unhealthily so) and I was thrown back into those days of darkness. My sense of self-worth was very low, and I only managed to get through the days because I much preferred to pretend that all was well, and because the kids were priority. Having to support and take them through their days like clockwork made it helpful to move along; but I was in a very bad space.
The husband and I had a hard talk some days later and it has now been 3 weeks. Things are better, way better but I definitely learnt some good lessons.
- I learnt that my priorities are my husband and children and there is no need to test this in any form.
- I learnt that I can be such an idiot because I am so dumb sometimes and that hurt. It hurts a lot but I am willing to suck it up because my top priorities are important enough for me to face my ugly.
- I learnt that when I say that I am 'sad', it is probably real in some form but in the real deal when I was truly sad for those long-short-painful days, facing possible loss was the real deal; something that I am glad I have fleetingly experienced but not needed to dwell more on.
- I learnt that respect is under-rated and I can show it more to those who I truly respect.
- I learnt that love can be enough sometimes, just enough to get by.
Sunday, January 6, 2019
2019
A whole year (& a bit more) has passed since my last entry.
I have an incomplete draft on one of my biggest athlete achievements from December 2017; and 2018 had been pretty eventful.... including
I didn't intend to write. I haven't visited my blog for months and I have been spending too much time browsing social media for no reason at all. A random occurrence two days back had the sister ask, "why are you blogging?" (when I wasn't); but maybe that's how things are meant to be.. they happen for one tiny reason and was seeded in my brain and seemingly, as if for no specific reason, I set at this table and opened up my blog and decided that why not, pen something, a start for 2019.
So, a few resolutions (I say that with hesitation because I view it more as, continuous improvement; or things that always matter than a 'new start' per se):
1. I shall spend money on experiences, not material things.
2. I shall spend more time with my family - collectively as awesome-foursome; but also individually (alone with the husband and daughter and son) to have quality time together.
3. Read books
4. Continue with consistent exercise - HIIT / yoga / running
5. Take up a course - I'm considering a yoga-certification, or a personal trainer certification course
6. Save money
Nothing revolutionary (except, maybe for the certification); and they are pretty similar to what I set out to do year on year.
It's all about the positive mindset we set off with to achieve. Let's go, 2019.
I have an incomplete draft on one of my biggest athlete achievements from December 2017; and 2018 had been pretty eventful.... including
- Surviving Primary 3 (shaky and challenging)
- Graduating from Kindergarten
- Husband's national achievement during National Day
- Getting promoted
- Moving into our new home
- Blessed with two babies into our family
I didn't intend to write. I haven't visited my blog for months and I have been spending too much time browsing social media for no reason at all. A random occurrence two days back had the sister ask, "why are you blogging?" (when I wasn't); but maybe that's how things are meant to be.. they happen for one tiny reason and was seeded in my brain and seemingly, as if for no specific reason, I set at this table and opened up my blog and decided that why not, pen something, a start for 2019.
So, a few resolutions (I say that with hesitation because I view it more as, continuous improvement; or things that always matter than a 'new start' per se):
1. I shall spend money on experiences, not material things.
2. I shall spend more time with my family - collectively as awesome-foursome; but also individually (alone with the husband and daughter and son) to have quality time together.
3. Read books
4. Continue with consistent exercise - HIIT / yoga / running
5. Take up a course - I'm considering a yoga-certification, or a personal trainer certification course
6. Save money
Nothing revolutionary (except, maybe for the certification); and they are pretty similar to what I set out to do year on year.
It's all about the positive mindset we set off with to achieve. Let's go, 2019.