The husband and I were looking at old pictures last night, and it's amazing to see how much Kate has grown. She's now more than double her birth weight and the personality that peeked out at the beginning is pretty much clear enough now that we already know what kinda gurl she will be (a fiesty one that's for sure!)
I felt a little wistful that my baby has grown so much, but I'm also excited because the challenges, fatigue and fun experienced in the past 5 months must surely only be the tip of the iceberg, so there must be tons more to look forward to!
After being back at work for more than a month now, I've also settled into a sort of routine - sleeping hours (could be better), milk expression (good) and work (getting better). I do feel more stable and the only gripe I have is that there is never enough time.
I get sad when there is much work so that it eats into my time with Kate, I get frustrated when Kate doesn't sleep early enough which affects my own rest, I feel that the husband and I ought to spend more time with each other (quality time)... and when I share my concerns with friends, the common advice I receive is to give it your best shot and let go.
By that, it really means that there are many things not within my control, and getting all angsty about such things will do no one any good. It sounds easy enough but for someone who's quite a control freak, it really takes effort for me to let go.
If I gotta work late, I may as well do it properly as I'm fortunate enough to have help at home. If Kate's not sleeping and I'm tired, I should pass her to the husband as she'd be in equally good hands. If I cannot control something (and there are many such things), I'm training myself to be more flexible. It's tough though, cos I much prefer things to be planned out and adhered to. Being an emotional creature doesn't help either, as the husband will know, sometimes it gets abit much. But I really am trying to be more rational and less emotional, but this will be an uphill task.
Everyday, I look up to the sky and remind myself how beautiful it is with the fluffy clouds and lovely colours, and I hope to share such moments with Kate. I know that the world is not entirely pretty, but we have to hope and hold on to the little things in life that really matter, and there is much to live for and be happy about.
My happy family, with lots of heart.
