Baby little - early days

Inspired by another Mommy’s blog entry on her first trimester, here’s my journey the past few weeks.

I’d wondered if I was pregnant the initial days and the only person whom I confided in about my “I wonder if I’m pregnant” state was the sister (besides the husband). It was a Friday night dinner with the siblings & partners (celebration of the brother’s b’day) & I recall sharing with her (with muted excitement) “my period is late for two days. I’m going to test over the weekend if I still don’t get it!”

However, the weekend came and passed and I didn’t do the test. I think it was largely because I didn’t want to “think too much”. It took us a year to conceive Kate and I’d pretty much not wanted to think too much about it all. To those who know, waiting to confirm a pregnancy when you’re trying is well, very trying. To take my mind off things, I still went ahead to run the GE Women’s 10km Run that weekend. I felt tubby then and at the run I recall telling the sister “mebbe I’m not fat. But running for two!” Little did I know…

A week into my period that hasn’t come, I was antsy to test but again, the fear of disappointment kept me from actually testing. I know, some people will say – just test la! Then you’ll know ma… but to those who also know, you’d understand my anxiety and reluctance to do the test (yes yes, I think too much). It was the husband who finally went to buy the test kit. And it was 6 July when the husband and I saw the positive results on the kit. I did the test early in the morning (highest levels of hormones for a more accurate test – something I learnt from the first pregnancy) & similar to the sharing of news with Kate, I woke the husband up before our alarms rang and I whispered to him “I’m pregnant”. The feeling is indescribable – a mix of happiness, thrill and disbelief. I quickly made an appointment for that weekend and we confirmed the pregnancy again with a visit to our gynae and seeing the little seed on the screen, lying in the gynae’s room – it all felt so familiar and I teared the first time I saw baby little.

The next week was a fun ride with us sharing the news with our family members and it was awesome that we could give my dad a great b’day gift! Then morning sickness struck.

As with Kate, I experienced “all day sickness”. There were intense feelings of nausea in my chest which progressively worsened through the day – 5-6pm was the bewitching hour where I’d feel truly awful and more likely than not, I’d have to vomit within the hour. My appetite was affected, I could barely keep anything down and it was really a difficult time. This pretty much went on for a whole month and it was so bad that I couldn’t function at all and even ended up hospitalised to be on the drip as I was dehydrated. For the first two weeks, I slept a lot and I preferred to sleep as I’d not be feeling the icky feeling then. However, in the later weeks, sleep was fleeting and that didn’t help matters much. I must admit, I was pretty down during the time as it was very tough being cheery when I was physically knocked out. I had no control over my body and if I remember accurately, I’d say that I vomited more this time than the last. I remember one Saturday night where I vomited really badly and I was so tired out I couldn’t even wash myself afterwards. The kind husband turned on the air-con and told me “just go sleep, we’ll change the sheets tomorrow” – and it wasn’t as if I had any other choice as I was physically unable to do anything else, I crashed.

One consolation of me being down was that I spent plenty of time with Kate and my family since I was pretty much bedridden and confined to home. I’m very fortunate to be showered with care and food and I think the husband didn’t have a good time during this period too. I was entirely reliant on him as I was unable to do anything myself (not able to drive, not able to handle Kate, not able to do much really) and it was also tough for him amidst his very busy schedule.

Thankfully! After that trying period, I’m better now. I’m so glad that I’m feeling more normal now and man, baby little sure has taken much outta me! But as they say, it’s all worth it – simply because.

Dear baby little,

The gynae called you “the little trouble-maker” – I don’t think you’re intentionally being naughty! I’m very happy that you are such a strong little one and I’m still excited as ever to meet you. Each time we go to the doc’s, I look forward to seeing your B&W murky picture. It reminds me that you’re there and I hope you can feel the love that Kate cheche, Papa and I have for you already.

Love, Mommy