Balcony chat

The husband and I had a chat about how our lives may be in a couple of weeks' time after Jake joins our family. It was nice - to be able to have time to talk to each other and we did so in our "garden". The husband did up artificial grass in the balcony of our master bedroom and it's nice to be able spend time enjoying the home.

The quote of the night has to be what he said, "I'm not entirely sure how things may be with changes ahead, but I know whatever it is, we will just deal with it."

And so we will do what he says.

The visits

I probably have less than 5 more visits to the gynae's (another 2-3 before birth, and 2 more afterwards) and as I was sitting there this morning, waiting for my turn, I felt like I should write something about it. Not that the place is anything uber special, more like how the place is special because it's brought me through plenty of emotions and celebrations, pains and experiences.

How I picked my gynae was a rather non-affair. It was about 3.5 years ago that the husband and I were talking about starting a family, and I figured it was probably a good idea to find someone I was comfortable with - even for female check-ups too. So I asked two female colleagues (then) who their gynaes were and both gave me their contacts. I selected my gynae from this pool of information (grand total of, two) based on location. I made my first appointment with him for a pap smear and well, I was comfortable enough with him and like they say, the rest is history.

Besides the location of the clinic & hospital, what I really like about my gynae is that he's good-enough-looking (hey, this can never be a bad thing, right), but what really impresses me is his never-flinching "cool-ness". His demeanour is always cheery, he always smiles, he tries to look empathetic when you share with him your issues, but he is always cool as cucumber. I'm trying to think of a term that better describes him but he's really a man of few words. His nearly non-plussed, fuss-free, swift and efficient visits always rubs off on me, in a good way. Especially in the first pregnancy where I was a lot more anxious and nervous about anything/everything, how he was made me feel comforted and less anxious too.

Not everyone may prefer his style though, because he may be a little too non-conversational, but over the years, through both my pregnancies, the husband and I have gotten used to his ways and we rather like it. After all, I always say "if he's not fussed/worried, neither should I be" and that makes me much at ease!

His ways are also always au naturel. He doesn't excessively recommend any vitamins etc, instead preferring me to consume real foods. When I ask him about any myths/ hearsays I've heard, he's always quick to tell me what he really thinks and usually, the myths are just that - myths!

During the year that the husband and I visited him before we were first pregnant with Kate, he was always caring and always encouraging; telling us not to worry and to let my body take its natural course. Of course, he was right and for whatever reason it took for us to only get pregnant when we did, it was just meant to be.

The clinic is another place that holds special meaning - because that's where we always look forward to seeing our little peanut, growing steadily to something that's truly nothing short of a miracle. The nurses, the place holds special meaning to me - that familiar smell, the feeling I get when I visit the place; it's always going to mean good things because being pregnant is a blessing and as I get closer to delivering my second child, I just want to remember that I'm a fortunate woman to be able to be pregnant and experience the joys of visiting a gynae to watch my baby grow within me.

2weeks, 3 days to the EDD. Wheeeee...

Kate's birth story

I’m highly inspired, after reading the birth story of another, to write about Kate’s. I started the blog after her birth and I don’t think I ever had that down on record. Before Jake’s arrival, where I’ll probably become even more muddle-minded (the husband says, quite blatantly that I’ve become “dumber” bleahh), I’ll like to have it down on record what I remember about the princess and her coming. [Warning: post is really long and may be boring – to you anyway]

Her EDD was 16 September 2009. I stopped working a week (or two? Oops, cannot remember already!) before then and spent the days lazing away. While I was quite happy to be off work, I recall being really bored during this break. While I could fill the days with as much as I wanted to, the husband was, unfortunately, very busy at that time and couldn’t spend as much time as I preferred with me. I was lucky though, that the bestie was back in Singapore then and not working and living near me so we did several sessions of walks and makan sessions. I remember feeling heavy and hot all the time (flashback 1: the bestie visiting me because I was too hot & bothered to go out. She bought maccas and came to my air-conditioned room where we just hung out watching tv and chilling, while indulging in fatty food).

I remember talking plenty of cold showers when I felt like it because I was feeling so hot! I also remember feeling bored. There was only that much I could eat and hang with the bestie and towards that final stage, I was not inclined to go shopping or do anything overly adventurous either (too uncomfortable). So I stayed home and willed time away. I remember doing plenty of housework. I remember doing plenty of laundry, sweeping, mopping. I also remember feeling very happy every time it was evening because the husband will be home and I just yearned for his company.

(I wonder how much of this is legit since it’s nearly 2.5years ago and it’s really purely based on my memory!)

14 September 2009 (Monday night): With all that leave I took with me not knowing what to expect, I was getting a tad bored. I remember talking (complaining) to the husband about that (not knowing what to expect) and I told Kate “baby, give Mommy a clear sign when you’re coming, ok?”. Afterall, that was my first birth and I truly didn’t know what to expect. That night, I was awakened and I think I felt a twang or something. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but it felt like cramps, but mild ones only. They continued for a while though, so I told the husband about it. But because it wasn’t seemingly serious nor whatever, I was able to go back to bed and so did he.

15 September (Tuesday): The husband asked how I felt and I told him “ok – nothing already”. He told me that he had to go to work but he will get in touch with me once he’s done. I had already arranged to go to the Botanical Gardens for a walk with a girlfriend, and I went ahead with her to do it still. Through the day, I didn’t feel anything else, just crampy (& hot & bothered & heavy) and I remember walking quite a fair distance (ok, maybe I didn’t walk. I probably waddled, really). When the husband came home that night, he asked if I was ok and I reported to him what I did in the day and we went to bed. O yes, I remember watching tennis during this period as there was some tournament league going on then (random!) That night, I was again awakened by cramps. They were more uncomfortable this time round and the best way I can describe these cramps were that they felt like this tightening of pain all the way around my body; i.e. the entire circumference of my back through to my tummy. Every time I felt something, I’d grip the husband’s hand tightly and it was a long and uncomfortable night.

16 September (Wednesday): The husband was off work today (yay!) and we had lunch planned with the bestie. We went ahead to pick her up and headed to Holland Village for lunch. I had wanted to eat at Marmalade’s for their linguine and dessert and was shattered to find out that they had moved out of the HV premises. We still ate there though, and by this stage, my contractions were coming and going through the day. I was really uncomfortable and had to take deep breaths every time I was hit by pain. After lunch, we headed to Ikea (air-conditioning!) just to walk-about and by this time, I remember having to grip the bestie’s hand everytime a contraction struck. It was painful! By the time we headed home that night, I was exhausted and while I don’t remember for certain, I’m guessing that I was probably not-very-nice-tempered by this time. I recall the husband telling me to go to bed and sleep away the pain (it’s not something that you can sleep over though, by.the.way.) but there was little I could do any way and I was really tired so I did try to go lay down. (While writing this, I can vaguely remember the discomfort and pain!) So anyway, I still kept gripping the husband’s hands very tightly everytime I felt the pain and he was my faithful time-keeper. We knew, by this stage that I was undergoing labour and having contractions, but we were also conscious (doc’s advice) that I shouldn’t go to the hospital too early because I may get sent home if it’s a false alarm. We did make a call to the gynae that night and shared with him my symptoms the past 2 days; he said to come in tomorrow morning. So with that, I had little choice but try to force myself to go to sleep.

At lunch with the bestie and the husband's finger (hah). In between contractions, I managed to grimace. Look at how tanned I was then! I swam every week! (Boo, poor terrible contrast to now where I swam ONE time through this pregnancy.)

In the car. I needed love and support, and refused to let go of the husband's hand.

17 September (Thursday): I think it was about past midnight that the husband said that my contractions were regular – every 5 minutes. We were uncertain whether we ought to head to the hospital, but seeing how uncomfortable I was, we decided to go. I took a quick shower, picked up my hospital bag and we were on our way. While I was stepping out of the house, I was still asking the husband “should we really go? what if it’s not for real yet?” and in the car ride, we were monitoring whether or not the contractions were still coming regularly.

2am: I checked into the hospital. The biggest relief came when after all the need-to-dos (changed into hospital gown/ administration etc); the nurse did a check and announced “you are 5cm dilated”. I think that was really the BEST thing to hear at that point in time! Imagine the pains I’d gone through and if I wasn’t making good progress?! Gee! I also remember feeling lost as they didn’t allow the husband to sit by my side always in the “waiting room”. I much preferred if he was with me, always. Because I was already halfway dilated, they got ready to wheel me into the delivery suite. The nurses asked if I wanted epidural and while I hesitated for a while whether or not to have it (I thought I may be able to do without because I was already at the halfway mark!); I still opted for it. I had some side effects of the epidural like uncontrollable shaking but it was mangeable. I was also cold. I think it was a good choice because I had relief (no pain!) and though the hospital wasn’t exactly a hotel-stay, the husband and I did manage to have poor sleep till morning. The nurses will come in to check on my blood pressures and contractions and dilation every 30mins or so. It was a tiring, sleepless night but at least, I was no longer in pain. In fact, I’m not sure of the dosage they gave me, but I pretty much didn’t feel anything from the point of receiving epidural – yup, all the way till Kate popped!

They first introduced this (dumb) gas thingy to me. Didn't do anything for me at all.

8+am: I don’t really remember if this is all accurate, but I do know that when I saw my gynae, he was all cheery and after the night of waiting, it was great to hear him say “you’re ready!” OMG I was HOW excited! The midwives and nurses all bustled to activity; they started teaching me how to push and I really tried but because I couldn’t feel anything, I wasn’t sure how much I was doing at all! The gynae had to break my water bag and he said that there was meconium, so he had to use suction to aid the birth. Everything happened really, really quickly and amidst the nurses’ yelling (ok, they weren’t yelling but in my mind, what I remember was a very busy room bustling with plenty of activity!) and me trying to push and whatnots, I delivered my daughter at 9.30am.

I remember they placed her in my arms immediately and my first reaction was to weep – from happiness, disbelief and happiness that I did it! It was really the most amazing feeling in the world! I rubbed her little limbs and stared at her tiny wrinkley face – it was surreal. The nurses told me to latch her on and I did, and she started to suckle – so cute! Then they took her away to wash her and weigh her and whatnots.

First contact - it's the most beautiful thing, ever

Our very first family shot, still in delivery ward

17 September 2009, 9.30am – birth of my daughter, Kate Seah.

Kate @ school

So, Kate has been going to school for 6 weeks now. Ok, 5, taking into account the one week she was on MC. I'd shared how much of a struggle it's been (here and here) after an initially great start.

While she doesn't exactly embrace school (yet), her reaction to going varies & by now, there's a more distinctive pattern observed.

It's worst on Mondays: "I! Don't! Want! To! Go! To! School!" She will cry & whine the moment she wakes up after knowing that she has to go. She will struggle while putting on her uniform, in-between her breakfast, while putting on her shoes, in the car and the whole way to school all the way to the point of me handing her over to her preferred lao shi. We try to bribe her with treats like biscuits or raisins and while it's terrible, it does help cos she will quieten for however-long that she is distracted. The moments that she stops crying does wonders for my sanity and I can literally feel that tense knob in my head hold still and not throb for those moments.

[This is exactly how I want to behave on Mondays (and some other days too) actually. But I guess I don't get the privilege since I'm not a child. Bleah.]

On Tuesdays, she cries and whines similar to Monday, though there are breaks and moments of quiet in-between. It worsens as we get nearer to school as she recognises the surroundings and resists heading into the school. I have to resort to carrying her and her barang in a bid to get us moving on time.

Today is Wednesday. She still cries and whines but intermittently so between the morning routine (of changing & breakfast). She is also able to tell me coherently little nuggets of random information such as "I have friends"/ "Casey never go to school, you know" / "I don't have chop already" (chop is this ink stamp that they receive on their hands as a reward; usually comes in the form of star or flower or some animal) / "After I eat I want to watch hi5 ok?" (ok, I feel abit guilty of this but in a bid to calm and distract her I do let her watch youtube!).

My princess, this morning. She was happy because her mood is generally better mid-week and she's popping raisins!

The bane of our unhappiness is Kate's unhappiness so when she's in a good mood, everyone's happy too. And from the start, I've been leaning on friends and the husband for support, seeking comfort that it's the initial teething stages of pain and that it.will.pass. I really needed to believe that with blind faith because I was really, really close to emotional breakdown from the stress! The husband and I also knew that we needed to give Kate time to climatise to this new routine. She doesn't get 'weekends' or 'holidays'. She doesn't know time or days. So as part of the climatisation period, we also had to teach Kate about days and her routine needed to be broken down into blocks of a whole week. Mondays - Fridays = school (her response to that is "why?!); Saturday go nai nai's house and Sunday go ah ma's house. This is her new routine now and I'm so relieved and happy (for everyone's sake) that she's slowly but surely getting used to it all.

Of course, it doesn't mean that we don't have down days (where she just chucks a tantrum), but hey. We are much better today than we were a couple of weeks ago where I was seriously that close to breakdown. I'm so proud that the husband and I are so grown-up (while we know we have no other choice, it's still great that we stuck it out!) and most of all, I'm proud of my girl for being strong enough to ride through the (thunderous) waves.

Her sleep pattern is much better now, though she still has nights that she wakes up asking for me, but at least she doesn't have nightmares anymore. Another huge relief is also that while she's not 100% well (there's always a niggling cough or cold or phlegm stuck within) she isn't feverish and sick-sick anymore. YAY! *throws confetti

Kate still suffers from separation anxiety which is clear from her usual parting words to me "Wait for Mommy/Papa/Yeye to come?"and I always have to assure her a million times "Yes, you wait for Mommy/Papa/Yeye to come fetch you". It's consoling to know that once I leave, no matter how weepy she was, she usually bounces back to normal very quickly (says the teacher). It'll take time, but she has to learn that she will not be left behind. Gotta build up her confidence and security somehow. More love! There are also days where she breaks down when we pick her from school - you know, that feeling of relief/happiness to see a familiar face. This tells me that she's not 100% comfortable in school yet (also evident how she keeps saying she doesn't want to do certain things in school - sleep/naptime and showers are not her cuppa tea) and she's relieved to see one of us.

I feel so sayang that Kate has to go through all these, but I also know that I cannot be there with and for her 100% of the time. In spirit, I can be, I will always love and support and be there for her; but she has to go through the ride on her own, to learn independence. I guess this is what parenting is about. Tough!

To end off, here are some pics of Kate at school

Her teacher shared this pic last week: Kate driving a car

Kate doing craft - looks like a Valentine's Day piece to me. First you stick the sequin onto the glue

Then you stick it onto the paper

Kate says...

Papa: Did you miss me today?
K: Yes.
Papa: Why?
K: Because I love you!

Papa brings Kate to wash her hands.
Kate screams: I want Mommyyyyyyyyy
Papa: Why?
Kate: Because I love Mommyyyyyyy
After the deed is completed, she runs to the kitchen and says,
"Mommy I love you!"

Little things in our day. But so worth remembering and so sweet & lovely coming from our little monkey.

Happy Valentine's!

3 more weeks

... to my EDD. That's exactly 21 days to 5 March 2012.

Things are getting exciting! And I'm getting slightly worried that I don't have enough time to get things ready for Jake. But I'm getting there - slowly.

Just for my own sanity, here's what I have done already:
- packed and cleared what's in the old home to the new one.
- the bestie has also packed and brought over stuff to my new home.
- started consuming coconut (heresay it's good, though I just do it because coconut is cold & yummy!)

After the packing, at least I know what I have.

Next steps:
- to unpack all that I've brought over (everything's just piled in a mess!) so Jake has his own space
- to begin washing Jake's clothes
- to begin sunning and airing Jake's stuff - mattresses/pillows/etc
- to begin to think about where and how his stuff are going to be laid out for convenient changing/sleeping/resting/etc

Is that all? I honestly am rather semi-clueless. Because my memory is that of a mosquito's right now.

...

O yes. I need to pack the hospital bag.

At my last gynae visit 2 days back, Jake's gained 200g and weighs approximately 2.8kg. My total weight gain is now 11kg. And my level of discomfort is increasing steadily. What really bothers me is the achey-pelvic area - because I'm seriously creaking now. I creak more when I walk down the stairs, I creak slightly when I walk (and it gets worse as I walk further); I creak and get sharp pains when I shift lying down in bed and it's actually painful to lay down and get up and do any form of moving really. I'm creaky, generally. Not fun.

But! Why I'm creaking is because Jake is in position already and the more I stand on my feet, the more he's lodged in position, thus the extreme pressure on my pelvis. And according to the Doc, Jake will likely be a full-term baby, just like his sister. So yea, back to my original point about seeing him in about 21 days' time.

My visits from now will be on a weekly basis and based on the Doc's prediction of Jake the-full-term-baby, I'll probably see him 3 more times before anything exciting really happens. It also means I just have to grit and bear with the discomfort until then. But I guess I'm ok with that because it does give me more time to prepare for him to come. I'd have stopped work a whole week before his arrival and I can use this time to do anything, everything, or nothing!

To end off, here are some pics:

Pregnant me at 36+ weeks (snapped sometime last week)

A lovely surprise gift delivered to my office today! My crafty friend made this and I'm so thrilled at how lovely it looks! Can't wait to go home tonight and open it up to check out its contents!

Saturday morning craft

I shared that Kate had 2 more items for her room & this morning, we had the opportunity to work on one of them. It's a DIY wind-chime. I'd showed Kate the box & told Kate of it last night but it was too late in the night and as I was on solo parenting duty, I was too chicken (lazy/terrified) to do it with her; so I told her (lied) that I didn't know how to do the craft and we needed Papa's help (not entirely an untruth, really. I do need help!)

This morning, the girl remembered and dragged the husband to the room where the box was and said very excitedly "Papa you see, we need to do this and this, can you help me please? Mommy don't know how to do!"

...

So anyway. Papa and daughter bonded through this simple activity and I was very happy to sit aside to snap pictures.

Papa demonstrating how the glue pen works

Kate giving it a shot

She pours the beads onto the structure

Papa finds another tool to help spread the beads

And Kate quickly wants to use the stick too

Tada! - the finished product

I really enjoy watching the husband and daughter bond; such moments are really what makes me smile and love them so much my heart feels like it's nearly-going to burst. Kate's becoming a lot more independent and I can tell that she is quick to pick things up. In this craft-example, she grasped the concept of how to lay the glue followed by beads very quickly (through me explaining it to her the night before) and she was able to copy the husband's actions very easily. I find these child-developments extremely fascinating and amazing! They are really sponges in human forms.

Now, to put the finishing touches to this wind-chime (to place in the chime bit) and find somewhere to put it up at.