Saturday, March 31, 2012

Punk Jake

Jake has a handsome head of beautiful hair. It's the most commented-about thing of his and it really makes him look like a little man. I have strangers staring at him, gaping/marvelling/smiling at how much hair he's got!

Jake, 2 days old. Check out those sideburns.

It's taken us a while, but a couple of days back, the husband finally had time to give his son a much-needed haircut. The husband has been so busy that he pounced on the pocket of time he had to do this cut for Jake - at 11pm =_=

Papa at work

The husband has free rein over the style and I think he not-so-secretly will always style Jake's hair as how he may for his own (except he can't because of work norms). I don't mind as long as it's not awful - too stylish I can accept *heh

First shot of Jake, post haircut.

Here's one of him in the daytime. Check out his matching wassup face! This boy is terribly serious and wardrobed in that teeny military tank just completes his punk look!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Gutted

I am not an idiot.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Scenes from the home

My sleepy prince

Tummy time - he doesn't really fancy it much

Kate helping out with lunch preparations - am so thankful to have home-cooked yummy food by the mother!

Snoozing with Jake - for times when he refuses to be put down and when I'm absolutely knackered

Kate, thoroughly enjoying her snack

Kate had a stack of cards and she placed one (the green elephant card) beside him. "I share with didi," she says.
While going through my photo album, I found this. Kate's masterpiece from a colouring application.

Strong Papa and his children

Jake, 26 March 2012

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Jake's 1st month party

We celebrated Jake turning a month old this weekend (actual day on the 27th). The day was a whirlwind of buzz and everyone was busy, busy, busy. We had many friends and family celebrating the occasion with us and I lost track of time and sense as I flitted from one spot to another - it was held at our new place so we were also busy showing our home to the guests and between entertaining, feeding and changing Jake and remembering to hydrate myself, it was 5pm by the time the last guest left, leaving the husband and I absolutely drained. Truth is, we were both so busy with our own guests that we barely saw/spoke to each other all afternoon!

Kate & I

Our little family - we finally took this shot at the end of the celebration, just so we remember this occasion

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Happy stuff

My son (I get such a kick outta saying that - such a novelty!) is 24 days old today. The husband and I brought him back to the PD for a follow-up review on his jaundice. Everyone that has some experience with children says "he's got jaundice, does he?" - which goes to show that he's quite yellow. But we, who've been with him these past three weeks, have seen him progressing quite well and know that his jaundice condition's definitely improved. But going for the follow-up today is an affirmative from the professional that he's fine and it's a relief to know.

I also did something silly two weeks back - I was trimming his nails and accidentally cut him - a tiny nip on the third finger on his right hand - which developed into a major infection which saw him finger swollen and angry red. This resulted in the poor boy having to take a weeks' course of antibiotics (I'm so sorry my baby, that you have to go through this when you're only tiny. I'll leave nail cutting to Papa for a while now...). I'm also relieved that the PD announced his finger all fine (yaay!) so I can put my mind at ease. Am so relieved that the infection didn't develop further into any complicated fevers or whatever. I've been living in guilt since the unfortunate accident *sad face

The third piece of happy news from today's visit to the PD is that my little boy has grown - we didn't take his height but he's now a healthy 4.5kg!

A different kinda expression from his usual more serious ones :)

Kate's been a veteren iPhone user for a long time and lately, she's been experimenting with the camera function. She's not great at it (the iPhone 4 with flipped view will probably work better for her) but she does meddle with the function for fun. While going through the pics in my phone to look for a Jake pic to use (above), I found this:

The princess' feet

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A for effort

I have biscuits and a hot drink for breakfast on most days and my typical preferred-combo is crackers dipped in milo. It's very old school (orbs, some may say) but I like it. My biscuit supply of Julie crackers were running out so I asked the husband to help me replenish them.

He came home with a big bag of stuff and this is what he bought: every possible Julie crackers, except for the one I wanted.

The Julie family in my kitchen

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

For keeps

I had a girlfriend who's a photojournalist take snaps of our 3+1 family (before Jake popped). It took us a while to set the shoot-date due to both our schedules (actually more hers cos she works shifts) and we did it the last weekend of February - which was just as well because it turned out to be the day before Jake's birth. Talk about cutting it close! The husband and I will be selecting our fave shots to frame up and put in our home - yet another bit of touch that we've been planning to do to make our home ours. Looking at the pics, I realise that I looked so pregnant then! And while I can't bear to look at myself (it's too weird. Like listening to your voice recorded and thinking "I sound like that?") I think the shots are absolutely lovely and I'm really glad that we had them done.

Pondering Kate

Comparing tummies

Us

The husband and I

Kate, with Jake

Smiley Kate

Family

Monday, March 19, 2012

21 days

That's how long it took me to capture a shot of Jake's smile.

He's quite a "cool" (solemn) baby and his expression is pretty much the same - he's either asleep or that with a frown. That's why it took the mother and I two weeks before we discovered that he has dimples; and till today, the husband has yet to see it/them (we're not even sure if there's one or two cos it's that tricky to spot!)

So I'm happy that on this day that he's 3 weeks old, I have a picture of him with a teeny smile.

I want more!!

My smiling son

The birthday and the cake - pics

These came a little late as the sister took them with her camera. Just wanna put them up so I'll remember...

Where: Our new home (we just moved in January 2012)
When: Sunday, 18 March
Why: To celebrate me turning 32 (thirty-two!)

The Seah family of four!

Blowing the candles out

And we cut the cake!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Happy Birthday To Me!

The husband said "Happy birthday" to me first - yesterday. He'd gone out to run an errand with Kate and when he came back, he passed me this box of tau sar piah and said "happy birthday!" - haha. I'd been craving for this before I delivered and I'm touched that he remembered that I fancied this (& only from this shop, by the way) and that he got it for me. Whether it was on the way or not doesn't matter - what did is that he remembered and I got to eat it. *beams

My first birthday treat (during confinement too!)

Then I guess it must have been just past midnight, that I got woken up from my sleep by the husband saying "happy birthday" to me with a kiss. I think my reaction was probably not very much to him then (hey, I was sleeping! And I'm a sleep-deprieved breast-feeding Mother!) but I think it's really sweet that the man I love is the first to physically wish me so - it matters because it means that we're with each other and nothing can be more important and sweet than being with your loved ones, yes?

I also received plenty of birthday love from Jake - who woke up every hour after 3am; I didn't know what he was fussing about so I ended up waking up to latch him every hour - by the time day broke, I was knackered! O yes, I'm also touched and happy that the husband helped with the night diaper changes so I managed to crash back to snooze after feeding. But I still looked a horrid sight at 8am when I got out of bed. =_= (don't remind me about ageing - gaaah!)

I pottered around the quiet house when Jake and the husband were both sleeping - and I tried not to think too much that it was my birthday. After all, being in confinement meant that nothing could be planned and man, it'd definitely more fun to be out and about - like I was last year. But oh well, I guess this is a small sacrifice for mankind (my little man, to be precise). Kate was out with my mom and that was a good thing, cos otherwise I'd have to be up even earlier than 8 and I guess there's only that much my body can take and on my birthday, I much prefer to take it as easy as I can.

The husband finally rolled out of bed eventually from Jake's fussing (I was having my breakfast - I don't like my milo cold! & besides, after latching him that many times I figured he could not possibly still be hungry?!) & he carried Jake out from the room. I watched them have some moments and my heart swelled with love.

Sure, it ain't easy with two kids but sometimes, it's all worth while and this is one of the times where it's clearly so. I see two men who I love with all my heart bonding with each other and it's these little things that's so worth remembering...

My two most favourite men in the world

The mother and daughter came home soon after and our day pretty much started to run like clockwork. Jake got bathed, Kate had to be watched over, Mother started cooking etc... and being the weekend, several aunts and uncles came over to visit the baby too. So by lunch time, the house was filled with people! It was quite chaotic.

Finally, after lunch, the birthday cake was brought out and no one was happier than Kate! The sweetie knew it was my birthday and I made her sing me the birthday song at least twice (hah). Absolutely music to my ears! "Happy birthday to Mommy... happy birthday to Mommy... happy birthday to Mommy... happy birthday to Mommy!"

Helping with the candles - OMG I turn thirty-two!

Happy Kate with the delish cake

My birthday gift pack from the sister, the boyfriend and the brother. I kinda got tricked by the sister - I'd thought they were getting me vitamins (eh, those are expensive and practical also, ok) but this is BETTER! I can't wait to start using them and start looking & feeling more like a human being.

Just for the record, the birthday greetings from them three is highly amusing. The sister's is the most normal, with her giving me plenty of love and well-wishes. The boyfriend's message was more awkward & haha; the cream has got to be that of the brothers' who basically said (just for the record) "happy birthday jie. Hope you like the gift. I totally forgot, lucky we have a younger sister" - HA HA. It's common knowledge amongst us that the brother never remembers birthdays so when I read his message I burst out laughing!

Birthday card from my husband and daughter

Now, the husband got me a really good gift that probably wouldn't make sense to anyone else... *drumroll... curtains! When we first moved in, we down-sized the quality of curtains to our rooms because of cost. So while the room had curtains, it didn't do much to block out the sunlight which really gets to me because I need darkness to sleep well! Given the circumstances then, I'd been using an eye-patch (compliments of Singapore Airlines!) to solve my problem. I know it's caused a hole in your pockets, dear husband but I really love them and I really cannot wait to use them!

"It's not the sexiest present but I hope you like them", he said when he gave the gift to me. I love it!

I didn't get a chance to take a pic of the present before it was ripped open because Kate helped me tear it open =_= so here's the aftermath of the wrapper and I had to take the cute little ribbon - what an effort from the husband! *claps

And finally, a touch of the husband - masking tape. Haha! Psst: the scotch tape is kept in the 3rd drawer, ok?

Well, the day's nearly over and I guess I'd always remember this birthday as the one where "I was confined". At least it'd be always be memorable & highly different.

As always, on this special day, I wish to count my blessings and I know that I'm fortunate to have plenty of people around me who love me and who care for me. And taking stock of what I have in my life right now, I have abundant! As I turn 32 this year, I have my own home, I have a loving husband, I have a precious daughter and I'm blessed to have another bundle of joy!

Happy birthday to me, here's to a lovely year ahead!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Play-dough fun & love

I've not exposed Kate to play-doh, primarily - uh, no. scratch that - solely because I'm lazy. We've received a set for her 2nd birthday but I never got round to opening it up because well, there's no time but I know, it's really because of my laziness (I KNOW! I admitted it already ok!)

So anyway. A couple of days back, a friend came to visit and she brought along a little tub of wheat clay from Daiso, it's very similar to play-dough and it comes in many different colours. With the now-limited toys in our new place, I was more than happy to let her try it. Of course, Kate also didn't allow otherwise - she pounced on it and insisted "I want to play this!"

I've read before how lego and play-dough provides hours of fun & play for kids and it's proven to be true! Kate loves playing with the dough - she's not great at it and usually just mashes up the colours; though she enjoys someone sitting with her and making things. She will ask for "teddy bear cookies" or "cakes" or whatever and within these couple of days, she's learnt to roll and flatten the dough, roll and flatten more dough to pile on top to create "faces" - though she has no sense of proportion nor colours and everything looks like mush. But I love how she enjoys playing with it and while I feel a tinge of guilt to not exposing her to it earlier, I'm still pleased that she enjoys it!


Kate at play

Today, the aunt was playing with her and they were making birthday cakes with candles. I was just putting Jake down in his cot when Kate came charging into the room and I grimaced as I held my breath, worrying if she may wake him up (she didn't - phew) and she said loudly while running, "This is for didi!"

Teeny weeny cake for my brother

She then placed a tiny cake with candles beside Jake and declared proudly, "this small small one is for didi!" It made my heart melt, how sweet Kate is.

To the girlfriends who have given me support and encouragement after I went on an emo-dip couple of days ago - thank you. I know that things will get better/worse and it'll always be a ride; and I'll soldier on bravely and I also know where to seek love from if I need it! *hugs I also know that there will be moments like this where it makes it all, worthwhile.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

17 days

That's how old my son is today.

17-day-old Jake

His personality is already obviously different from his sister's. He's quite mild, and very chill. He starts off with grunting/fidgeting/letting his unhappiness or discomfort be known and only when beyond frustrated, does he break out into a cry.

He does fuss, and there are some days that it's tricky handling him (nothing out of the extraordinary) where we have to cradle all day, or feed every hour to appease him. But besides these moments when he's obviously unhappy or not feeling that great, he's generally an easy baby. I say all this in comparison to Kate, as that's our only other point of reference (& Kate was an obvious fiesty baby).

Jake's a frowner - his face is mostly serious and it took my mom and I nearly two weeks to discover that he has dimples! (The husband still hasn't seen it/them properly yet!) Till now, I've not been able to snap a pic of them because Jake's so cool it's rather tough to get him to break into a smile. When he does though (very seldom), his face changes and he becomes the cutest little munchkin, very different from the serious man-face. I guess I just have to be patient and wait for him to be ready to show us his charm - and I expect him to be because he's a little man. I'm sure the husband will teach him to be the gentleman that the world needs, and how we wish our son to be.

When I first saw him, I felt as if I'd already known he'd look like that - though of course, I didn't. And everyday, when I look at his little face, it grows on me and it really sinks in that I have a son.

Slowly, as time passes, I get more used to providing for him - feeding him, changing him, burping him - it can get terribly unexciting and boring (wash-rinse-repeat-25,000 times!) - but I also know that this phase will pass and Jake will only be two/five/ten day old once and I wish to remember how he is at this little newborn stage.

Another 10 days till his first-month party (Yay! Civilisation and normalcy for me!) where I get to show him off proudly (in person) to friends and family.

And the rest of my life to watch and learn and educate this little boy of mine.

Dear Jake,
You're finally here and sometimes, I stare at your beautiful face and I think how fortunate I am to get to be your mother. I love you so much and you're the perfect child, just the way you are.
Love, Mommy

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Losing it

Handling two children is well, not. easy. "Of course it's not", you may say. But really, it isn't. And it's one of those things you cannot really plan nor imagine how it may turn out because there are many factors involved and this is made even more unpredictable as it involved people and their reactions/emotions.

"Will Kate reject her brother? How will she take to him? How will she respond to me carrying a baby and not her? Will she react adversely to the attention that's shown to her brother, regardless of our constant loving?" ... There was plenty of uncertainty and none of which we can truly prepare for as a lot depended on Kate. Besides that, there is also dealing with me - "Will I be able to go through looking after a newborn again? Am I ready to share my affection and attention between two? When will I ever have time for my husband, or myself?" ... While these were questions flowing through my brain like tornado waves, fast & furious, there were no answers.

It's been a bit more than two weeks of being a mother of two and you need help, plenty of it to get through it. I have not been alone with both children at all during this time, yet I'm already fearing the responsibility and the seemingly impossible task. I'm frightened by the prospect of it and that makes me feel rather sad - shouldn't I, being the mother of my children yearn to look after and give them all I've got? Am I not a good mom?

In this short two-week period, I have lost my temper on three occasions.

The first was when I witnessed Kate patting her brother on his stomach over-zealously. I was approaching the cot and from where I was, I could see and hear her exerting more and more pressure as she patted (hit) him. I quickened my pace as I approached her and my face must have looked thunderous because she cowered when I reached her. I was so mad with her yet frightened that she had hurt Jake. I didn't think, I immediately carried her and I laid her down on the bed (hard) and put a pillow over her tummy and I patted her very hard (not painful, the pillow cushioned her well), while saying "do you want me to hit you hard? You cannot hit Jake!" This sudden action frightened her and she started to cry. I also regained some composure suddenly and I stopped. And talked to Kate quietly - I explained to her that she cannot hit Jake hard as he's very little and she didn't like it when I hit her hard, did she (no) so she shouldn't do it to her brother. By now, I was in control and no longer feeling maniac and I also went on to say that no one ever patted her hard when we put her to sleep so she cannot play rough with her brother.

The second occasion was when Jake had pooped and I was trying to change him - while he was bawling his lungs out. Kate came running along and she insisted on "helping" and I could feel my tension increase as the task became unnecessarily complicated with Kate's extra hands and I snapped when she (accidentally) toppled the mini pail of water on the cot. I finished up the task with a super-tensed up headache and when done, I grabbed Kate's hands and put it on the wet splotch and said (loudly) - why is the bed wet! She was, again, frightened by my loud reaction and she started to whimper. The situation was alleviated by my aunt coming into the room to bring Kate out (as anyone instinctively would as she heard both kids wailing) and I was able to collect myself. I went to bring Kate into the room after I was calm and told her why I didn't want her to help and how I appreciated her kind intentions, but really, I didn't need her help.

Today, was the third time. Through the day, Kate had taken Jake's creams to play with. She also touched every possible thing that was placed in the room and some creams were obviously not meant to be played with as they were medicinal. Piece meddlesome toddler with clingy Jake - who just crossed the 14-day mark - who wants to be carried always, which resulted in me needing to carry him through the day, leaving me handicapped to do laundry/eat/shit/sleep/do anything (besides the fact that my arms were tired). Finally, at 530pm, I managed to lay Jake down successfully and I rushed to do laundry and the moment my back was turned, I heard Kate talking to Jake and to my horror, she had awakened him with the noise she made - and there went my efforts! I was so frustrated and coupled with the fact that the husband wasn't coming home till late from work just made me feel triply frustrated and helpless. I picked Jake up and had to cradle him and again, Kate was meddling about the room much to my exasperation and after telling her (nicely, then fiercely, then cajolingly then...) not to touch anything for the millionth time, I lost it. I yelled at her - again.

These episodes may not seem much, and they probably aren't and I may even be able to smile when I read this in the future; but the truth is, at the moments when these incidents combust, I really want to commit murder.

I feel so mad that things are out of control; that Kate is not co-operative, that I am not able to discipline her, that I cannot do what I want or need to do - who's going to do the laundry and dishes and cook for Kate (even if I starve myself) if I'm alone with them? Do I allow them/one of them to yell and cry while I tend to the other? Who will help me when I'm feeling at my wits' end at my moment of fury/loss/despair? How do I cope?

...

I cried to myself thinking of all the horrible scenarios that may arise from my lack of capability and it scares the hell out of me. Sigh. Today is one of those trying days where everything I tried seems to backfire against me. And I think I cannot do it.

Help.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Scenes from our home

The husband went for a wedding lunch last Saturday. Kate was his +1.

A shot of Jake and I (very little of, because it's hard for me to snap a pic of me by myself).

Last Sunday, some friends came to visit. Here, you see Faith who has the same birthday as Kate.


Kate kisses didi when he cries (or maybe she did till he cried) =_=

A bleary morning shot (though you can't see the bleariness) because that's what it's all about, isn't it? Smiles and love with your children who bring so much meaning to your life

My princess and I (yup, clearly bleary me)

The princess learns to snap pics on the phone. "Mommy you smile!" (yes, that's my glorious pyjamas I purchased just for confinement - cos of the long pants. And check out my hair! Haha how unkempt is that. I don't bother because well, I'm not going anywhere!)

Waiting for her lunch

HAHA I love this. Kate makes a monkey face at her oblivious brother

Love them with all my heart, and more.