When the going gets tough, the tough keeps going

So I've been back at work for 4weeks now; and I gotta say it's been somewhat manageable, somewhat teary, somewhat frustrating, mostly mind-boggling and totally tiring.


The first week was truly difficult. Not only was it physically draining, it was also mentally strenuous. But beyond that, it was the emotional stress that totally blew me away. I knew that I'd miss Kate horribly, but I was unprepared as to how bad horrid was. For the first two nights, I was in tears at the end of the day; seeing Kate made me smile as it was amazing to see her after being apart all day, but simultaneously, it also reminded me of how much I'd missed not being with her. It was difficult - I knew the reality but it didn't make things better.


At night, I tap on my "maternal" battery and look after Kate all night (mostly by) myself, where despite the fatigue, I look forward to our time alone in the night where I feed her, burp her and hold her close to my body. Every morning, when the clock strikes 7, I take a deep breath (sigh) and switch to my "day" battery and prep for work.

This cycle has gone on long enough now that I'm kinda used to it. Not that it gets any less tiring, bBut I just keep going, because that's how life goes. Just gotta deal with things. I look forward to my afternoon phonecalls where I 'chat' with Kate. I've been told that she responds to my voice and always bobs her head curiously in an attempt to locate me. There was one day where she was fussing (I could hear her crying in the background) and she quietened down after I spoke with her (I told her to behave). I'm truly uncertain how much Kate really understands, but I like to tell myself that she does and our short-minute chats with each other comfort her (I know it does me alot of good).

I'm pretty sure that the challenges will keep coming, and I'll keep finding myself thrown about this roller-coaster ride. But I'll keep going. Gotta be tough.