Zits

That's what Jake looks like he has - little zits on his little face like an adolescent! Haha I can kinda imagine how he may look like as a teen in 15 years to come, heh. Of course, this is one of the side effects of a breastfed baby - the hormones; and the fact that I'm in confinement now and eating plenty of heaty foods which is transferred to him.

My "15-year-old" two-week-old baby

Scenes from our home

The husband bathing for Kate. That's her didi's tub, and Kate gets a kick out of using it too. The father gives her "swimming time" and they have quite a lot of fun together.

Operation Kate-carry-Jake, step 1: Kate holds her arm outright and is ever-ready.

Step 2: Kate, are you ready?

Step 3: Papa lets go! Check out her strained face! Haha

"Uh, maybe it's easier (safer) for her to be seated,"I say. Operation Kate-carry-Jake a success!

A moment of happiness, the three people who mean the world to me.

She can't stop kissing her lil brother.

Loving my two babies. A first child will always be special no matter what because she's first; and seeing her love her lil brother makes my heart melt; I haven't found the right words to describe it yet,but it's truly one of bliss and happiness rolled into one.

How am I doing?

Physically: I went for my follow-up with my gynae a week after I was discharged from hospital and he gave the "all clear" - i.e. my uterus has shrunk (normal) and my stitches were healing naturally. My initial discomfort (that irritating spot) has gone away (phew) and I'm pretty much feeling normal and well (uh, there). My next appointment is a month later, for a regular pap smear (which should end my pregnancy journey with my gynae).

A terrible side effect of confinement (everything heaty) is that I've developed heat rash all over my body (shoulders, stomach, back, joint-areas, neck) though this may not be purely because of my diet (probably because of the lack of a nice, cold shower!) I do, however, get to take (very) hot showers daily (a quick rinse) and on alternate days, the Mother will boil this herbal water that smells rather heavenly (lemongrass & ginger) - my bathroom smells like a spa and though the water is dark coloured, I don't care because I get to wash (scrub) my hair and body - the feeling after a shower is indescribably amazingly great!

A piece of great news is that I've lost a total of 8kg thus far (I put on 11kg for this pregnancy); though my tummy flab is still there (boo), even after the week of jamu massage. The massage did help though, in toning up my limbs, and now I probably look 4-months pregnant than 6! With Kate, it took me about 2 months to get back into shape and I don't think it'd be any quicker this time round (if I'm lucky). So I'm trying not to think too much about it and be thankful that I have at least lost the weight and well, it'd take time and exercise for my body to get back into something more decent.

My back is probably my biggest concern - it's been achy since forever and it's really creaky now. I think it's something that I have to get used to living with for the rest of my life. I'm really trying my best with this confinement business and keeping myself covered where sanely possible and I really hope I don't become an arthritic young lady anytime soon!

My appetite (as with Kate) is very healthy and I'm very lucky to be fed nutritional meals (made with love). I try to eat everything provided as I know that they're meant to be good in some way or other. The mother makes the efforts to double-boil my soups for a long time and I really appreciate her efforts, so I do my best to consume all the healthy goodness.

I'm sure Jake is consuming plenty of this rich goodness as I'm doing total breastfeeding. I breastfed Kate and I'm doing the same with Jake now. I'm not sure if I can feed Jake as long as I did Kate (a year) but I'm going to try my best. The feeling of breastfeeding is very familiar and it's really a great chance to bond with my son. I feel responsible for his weight gain and let's just say it's the one thing I can provide for him and I plan to do so for as long as I can (as I did with Kate). I'm happy that my breasts are 'smart' and it's probably the same theory as riding a bicycle where your brain and body don't forget how to do so no matter how long it's been you last did it - sure, it was slightly uncomfortable at the beginning with my nipples being very sore for a few days - but everything's running like clock-work now and they didn't even get engorged! Isn't the body and brain an amazing thing?

Sleep is a huge thing and I don't think I'm getting enough of it - largely because I'm doing night feeds with Jake and it's impossible to sleep well when it's interrupted. I also don't get to nap much in the day time as it's too warm and uncomfortable. I also have to look after Kate & she's quite a handful. I have plenty of thoughts about her and how she's coping with Jake, but that's a pretty serious topic and I need time to sort my thoughts out before I write about it another time.

Mentally: I'm definitely stronger this time round, compared to the first. I'm a lot calmer and more relaxed. Previously, when Kate cried, I'd panic and not be able to stand it that she was crying. This time round, when Jake cries, I continue to finish up whatever I'm doing before going to feed him. I just feed when he starts to cry and I'm not really trying to fit things into a "routine" - I tried to do so with Kate before and stressed myself out a great deal; so I've learnt my lesson and am a lot more chill now.

Emotionally: I do get slightly weepy sometimes, mostly when I talk about stressful matters with the husband (childcare arrangements) - and it's usually when I start to feel that I'm not able to cope or doing the best for my children - and I get sad. But I try not to let it get to me and after a hug and kiss from the husband, I usually just shelf it aside for now. After all, there's only that much talking and planning we can do. The real test will present itself when we actually do it.

Kate is the key cause of my emotional strain at the moment. I'll write in detail another time, but I just feel torn between her and Jake. I also feel bad every time she lapses into a tantrum "I want Mommy..."

I need time to be strong and work out how I can cope with Kate and Jake. It'd take time and I know everything will work out, especially with the husband by my side. And I'm glad that I have him, or I would definitely not be able to do it on my own.

3.08am

It reads on the clock.

Tonight is one of those horrid nights where there is no wind and the humidity level is so high I'm nearly suffocating from the inability to breathe through the thick air that's hanging like a heavy curtain.

Help.... please rain or may the damn clouds move away or may something happen so that I can get some sleep!

On a slightly happier note, the son is sated and changed. That's his 2nd feed/change for the night (last at 11ish, just before midnight).

My nights with Jake

After sharing how our day's pretty much like, here's how our nights are.

I don't fall asleep quickly. I'll lie on the bed and try to not feel uncomfortable (depending on how warm the night is - windy nights are the best!) and I also arch my back and let it creak as it's achey (my posture is not the best). I then start to surf on my iPhone - blogs, FB, anything really... and it'll lull me to sleepiness. I think I usually fall asleep between 10 to 12, depending on what time I am done with my chat with the husband (or not - as in the case last night when I put Kate to sleep and ended up falling asleep beside her in her room until the husband came in and woke me up at 11.30pm).

So far, Jake wakes up on an average of 3 to 5 times each night. I don't really know the time that he wakes up, but it's about every 2-3 hours and each time I wake up, I'm up for at least 35 minutes.

Most times, I'd be aware of his shuffling about in bed (he'd fidget and wave his arms around much) and before he cries, I'd feed him. There's been a couple of occasions where I'm so tired that I only get awakened by his cries - I wonder how much he's had to fidget before he lost his patience and started to wail - then I'd spring up in bed and feed him. I have an SOP now where I know where every item I require is. I'll prop up the pillow I was lying on, pick up a small cushion and prop it against my back for support, I'll pick up the feeding U-shaped pillow then place a nappy cloth on my arm before lifting Jake up and putting him on my arm. The nappy cloth serves multi-purposes - so that we don't perspire onto each other (more like from my icky arm onto his little head) and I also use it to wipe his mouth and sometimes the regurgitated milk from his loud burp.

The feed takes anything between 10-30minutes, depending on how awake either of us are. If I'm up to it, I'll latch him on both sides, or just longer on one. I don't really have a system. I just do it based on how full I guess my breasts are. Depending on how I'm feeling, I may engage the iPhone again while he feeds - this wakes my brain up and I'm semi-alert by the end of the feed. Then I'll try to burp him and that can take anything from a couple of seconds to 10minutes, or when I'm still half-asleep, I just carry him so that he's lying at a 45-degree angle, until I nearly fall asleep in that position, then I'll place him down. I then check his diapers and usually, he'll require a change and I'll have to get off the bed and by this time, I'm semi-awake already. I grab the mini pail to grab hot water from the kitchen and mix it so that the water is slightly warm, then I gather all that's required to clean him up and get him changed into a new, dry diaper. This will take about 5 minutes.

[Last night was a pretty awful night where he awoke every hour to an hour & a half and I confess, I didn't change his diapers but thank goodness he didn't poop and I pretty much crashed back to bed after every feed.]

By the time I'm done feeding, he's usually snoozing already and I'll place him down and cover him up and watch his tiny face. (I'm getting used to his face by now... does that make sense?) Then I replace the nappy by the corner of his cot, the feeding pillow and mini cushion by my side and lie back down again.

I then arch my back again (my body is so old, I know) to relieve it and depending on how alert I was before, it'd take a while before I hit the sack.

The final feeds are the hardest - especially if it's at 6am - where I know that by the time I'm done, it's nearly 7 and we'll all have to wake up already. Oh... boy.

Wash, rinse, repeat... till the next night.

Same, but different

Jake, 8 days old.

Kate, 2 days old.

Jake, 9 days old.

Kate, 5 weeks old.

I really, really like the pic of them resting on my shoulder with their mouths agape. When I saw Jake propped on my shoulder like that the other day, I immediately remembered that I had seen the same face before. Which prompted me to snap a pic of Jake and go dig up this pic of Kate from before (not too difficult, thanks to FB!).

I reckon the siblings look quite similar. Not entirely the same, but they do. Whatcha think?

Confinement & getting into a groove of things

So it's been nine days since Jake's arrival and exactly a week since we came back home. I think we've gotten into a sort of routine. From my experience with Kate, I knew that the hospital stay was going to be the best bits - food was being delivered, the baby could be wheeled away upon request, diapers could be changed by others... so I guess the tough bits really hit in the last week.

It was wonderful to be home, really. I loved being back home, in familiar surroundings, but I also knew that I will dread confinement month. I don't mind the foods being served to me (the lovely and precious Mother is sacrificing her leave to help out and I really love the food she whips up, even if - according to her - I'm never eating enough which, by the way is an untruth. I always feel stuffed after every meal and I have snacks of biscuits and whatnots in between too!) nor the fact that there is an extra pair of hands to do mostly everything (I'm very lucky, I know) but what I really detest is the fact that I don't have air-conditioning and all I can rely on is the natural breeze. I guess I'm lucky that I stay on a high-enough level that there is natural breeze (at times, mostly in the evenings and in the night) and the most horrid bits of the day are from 2 to 5pm where the sun is blazing and if the air is still, oh boy, my temperature and temper shoots right up! But just so I'll remember, here's how the past week has been (timings may change but the sequence is pretty much the same day after day after day - did I already mention that confinement isn't the most fun-filled affair?!)

7am: Kate is usually up by this time and so does the entire household. The husband leaves for work, the Mother is up bustling about the kitchen and I'm either feeding or trying to wake up or not wanting to wake up but it's usually futile because there's just too much commotion happening. The mother will urge me to have breakfast, Kate will come into the room, Jake will be fidgeting and yup, I'll get up and start my day.

Kate cheche will hop onto the bed wanting to "see Jake didi" and there goes my plans of going back to sleep.

7.30am: Breakfast. My confinement breakfast is pretty standard. It's a hot cup of Milo/Horlicks which I'll have with some cake/bread/biscuits. I'll also have a bottle of chicken essense, a half-boiled egg (I eat so much egg during confinement it gets rather scary and I really don't prefer it anymore for the next few months!). Breakfast is a busy affair because while the Mother and I are trying to have it, Kate will be running around the house, dropping her breakfast all over the floor while we try to stop her from doing so. Jake will usually be sleeping in the room and Kate will also be making visits to him and every time she does so, one adult will have to go take a look because we have to watch that she doesn't disturb him too much. Her over-enthusiasm with him (like he's some real toy) makes it endearing, yet rather tiresome because she will hit him too hard or smother him while trying to sayang him. But because we want her to bond with her brother and not let her feel that she's restricted because of him (it may backfire with her feeling resentful of him) we allow her this freedom of going to see him when she fancies. Breakfast is over not when we finish eating. It truly ends after we clean up after Kate - she'd have littered her food all over the floor so part of the deal is to make the house not look like we'd fed an army in it (& they were eating off the floor).

8.30am: The mother will either be playing with Kate, or brought her down to the market to do groceries or run errands. This will give me some quiet time to feed Jake.

Peaceful baby post-feed. You can see my orbit pjs that I bought from the market because they were long pants. I never wear anything long cos it's usually too warm anyway! But I wanted to make some effort since the mother doesn't fuss when I wear t-shirts & 3/4 bottoms in the daytime.

10am: I invested in a 7-day post-natal massage package and this is the hour that I get kneaded (hopefully) back into shape. The oils are meant to aid in blood circulation & to keep me warm. With Kate, the whole confinement & post-labour stress got to me so much I didn't enjoy these sessions then. The most beneficial lessonI got out from then was how to massage my breasts. The then-masseur taught me how to unclog my engorged breasts and helped me tide over the engorgement pains. This time, I'm more collected and actually am able to relax during the sessions.

11am: Massage over and I now feel like a ba-zhang. I'm binded so tightly that I can't move or breathe freely (it loosens as I move about through the day) but I persevere to keep the binding on till dinner time because I want to lose that tummy flab!

The mother will start preparing lunch as I then take over to play with Kate. We play with her toys, do drawing or read her books. She doesn't have enough toys in the new place but we're trying to make do. It'll take a long time before we are able to clear everything from the old place!

12.30pm: We have lunch. It's usually mee sua with liver/fish/meat/veg and it's always yummy and I always finish a huge bowl. Then I'd feel rather uncomfortable because my stomach has no space (I'm ba-zhang!) & well, I just deal with it. I then spend the next hour or so trying to wiggle my body or keep it really straight as there's no other way I can deal with how full I am!

The mother will either have lunch together, or sometimes she (or my Dad) will bring Kate out of the house so that everyone regains some sanity (I'm the only one confined really, not them!). They'll go to the park or the mall to eat and/or buy things.

2pm: The troupe comes home. Kate will be given milk and put to take a nap. Ideally, if Jake was napping too, this will be the time that the Mother and I have time to do our own thing. I usually surf the net, blog or something; otherwise I'll try to take a nap. The operative word is "try" because this is really the start of what I call the dreaded bewitching hours. It's the peak of the afternoon heat and when you're feeling all hot and sweaty with no means of air-conditioning, I'm at the mercy of the winds. And on days where the winds are absolutely still - OMG, let's just say it's not the most fun thing to endure. Some days, it's so muggy that I get drugged to sleep with the heat (yes, whilst drowned in my own sweat). Most days, it's so warm and uncomfortable that I just lay there and sneak fanning myself. It's terribly uncomfortable.

4pm: The household gets busy again when Kate wakes up from her nap. We then take turns entertaining her, making sure that she's taken care of and the Mother then starts to prepare dinner.

5.30pm: The husband comes home from work - hooray! He can then help to play with Kate - by bringing her out to the playground or to the shops just so they take a walk - and I'll have time left to spend quietly with Jake.

6pm: Dinner is served. The father and the sister will come over to have home-cooked food and time passes quite quickly from here. The sister is great help by taking care of and playing with Kate - so much so that very quickly within this week, Kate's taken to asking for her favourite yiyi in the daytime. It's so sweet "yiyi coming later?" - she'll ask. Or on another occasion, I ask if she wants to have dinner with me and she replies, "No, I want to wait for yeye and yiyi to come"- aaww isn't that a sweetheart!

7pm: The sister will start playing with Kate after her dinner and everyone gets to do their own thing for a while.

9pm: We put Kate to sleep; either the husband, Mother or me.

10pm: The kids are down and the husband and I spend some time catching up and talking to each other. We go through the day's events for both of us and well, just talk about things both important and unimportant. I really enjoy this time because it's pretty much the time I have adult conversation and well, it's the only time where it's quiet enough for me to share with the husband my thoughts and feelings (and worries).

11pm: I head to lie on the bed and by this hour, the winds start blowing and it's actually comfortable. I'll browse on my iPhone for a bit before I try to go to sleep.