Happy birthday, my love

Dear husband,

I've known you since we were both 16, that's half our lives ago. I've watched you morph from a healthy, bouncy teenager who loves basketball to the cool working soldier who plays more soccer in your early teens. Today, you are a very good man and I'm lucky to be the woman in your life.

I'd shared our story before, and I'm always amazed at how far we have come & where we are today. We've had plenty of celebrations like Christmas and anniversaries, and today, it's your day as you celebrate turning 32. Though we don't have anything super planned for today, I hope you'll remember it as a homely one. We'll be having dinner in our own home, with our little family of 3+1 and it'll be an exciting first for us!

32 may seem old, but it's not at all, really. Especially not for a handsome, healthy chap like you! Today, you have your own transport, you have 1.5kids, you have me (ah hem) and the newest accomplishment is your own home! You're faring well at work and you're also improving yourself through studies - all of which adds to the busy-ness in your life, so much so that it's overwhelming; but do know that I'll be here by your side supporting you and helping you as much as I can through it all. We are a team!

Your first birthday cake, yesterday (10 Jan 2012)

Your daughter and you have the same eyes

Your 32 candles being blown out, all by Kate

Us

You are such a good man and I love you with all my heart. The year ahead will be a fun ride (which has already started, really) & I'm so thankful that we have so much past experiences that make us the strong and happy couple that we are. We'll continue our relationship steadily with respect, love and more communication so that we can become the ah-gong and ah-ma that still hold hands in our golden years.

Happy birthday, my husband.

Love, me.

Moved

We have moved! Officially!

Yesterday morning, the husband did the official necessaries and after work, we went to the hypermart and purchased $300 worth of things to spiff up our home. From groceries (bread, spreads, toothbrush etc) to utilities (dustbin, floor mats, towels etc). We popped by my Mom’s for Kate to take a shower (mini hiccup of not having hot water in our home yet) & we headed home!

It felt so surreal to have a new space of our own and I tried to stay focused by doing the important things – like preparing Kate for bed – then once the husband was in the room putting her to sleep, I pottered around trying to pack and get things organized. I definitely wasted a lot of time because everything was so unfamiliar and I made too many trips walking around aimlessly or forgetting to take this/that and trying to make the place mine. I definitely have plenty more packing to do! (Note to husband: once I re-organise a little more, you’ll have space I assure you!)

It was so cute to see Kate excited and willing to sleep in her new room (I got new bed!) and besides mentioning to the husband “I want to go home” once before she fell asleep, she’s accustomed well to the new surroundings. We are educating her that “this is your new home”. She fell asleep pretty ok and it was so cute to see her sleeping on her own little bed (ok, not that little. It’s a super single. But she’s always slept on the queen bed with me and she now has her very own bed!) I felt a slew of emotions as I watched her sleeping – I’ve probably never had her sleep not by my side when we’re under the same roof and it felt odd to leave her, and when I shared this with the husband he said “then you sleep with her la”. I thought for 2 seconds and said “no. I’m going to sleep on my own. In 2 month’s time I’ll be up every hour already!” And marched off to my new master bedroom.

I must say that the master bedroom is truly a restful place. Though I’m still not used to the new bed and room, what’s nice about the room is that there are no distractions nor clutter. Currently, all there is in the room is our bed. The soft carpets & curtains add a nice touch to make the room feel very cosy. I notice that the house is noisier compared to our old place (much traffic noise) and tonight, I may try sleeping without the air-conditioning. The night breeze is quite cool and if it is comfortable enough, we can save some utility bill simultaneously.

One of the last thoughts I had before going to sleep last night, was that the space in our little haven is more than enough for our little family. At night, Kate’s in her room, I’m in mine and the husband his. Ok, so the living room is not his room per se, but he now has more than ample space to do everything he wants in all that space while the daughter and I are out of his hair. I’ve yet to speak with him but I reckon he finds the space liberating. And probably very enjoyable. It’s so different from when the 3 of us were packed into one room before!

This morning, I got up earlier because I wanted more time to potter & waddle around the house. I had to make sure that I was ready before being able to get Kate ready – that was the plan. I was in the shower (I’d left the door ajar) & suddenly there she was, standing at the door! I got a mini shock and greeted her “good morning!” – she just looked at me, rubbed her eyes sleepily and headed off to the living room. I was quite amused because she was obviously not interested in talking to me and more keen to just do her own thing (preferring to explore). She came back 20seconds later holding the box of pandan cake & announced “Got cake! I want to eat!” …

I stepped out of the shower quickly, and gave her some cake & warm water while fluttering to get myself ready for work. I then proceeded to get her cleaned up for school – I could tell that she was still getting used to the place, she kept wanting to walk about the house with the cake in her hand and I had to tell her “no” (threatening to clear her plate if she didn’t stay to finish it). Miraculously, I got both of us ready to leave the house at 8am – the agreed time that the Dad will come pick us. Thank goodness I have family support where the lovely yeye sent Kate to school. I orientated yeye to the school so that he can help do so on his own soon, and I got a ride to work! Definitely have to get used to this preparing two of us routine in the mornings.

I’m really looking forward to going home tonight. I have much packing to do and I want to make it more livable for us all *nesting instinct kicking in

On another note, it was a breeze dropping Kate off at school. It starts the moment we enter the compounds, she'll climb up the flight of steps & start looking (staring) at the other kids who are going to school too. She'll then head straight to the school entrance and do the dos (take off her shoes & allow the teacher to take her temperature & check her body/hands/feet) & she marched right in. Today, she was very adorable - I'm guessing that because there weren't any kids around at that point in time, she wasn't (so) distracted and she sat on the mini chair, looked at me and said (while waving) "goodbye Mommy" - I was very happy!

Gym class @ school

Last week, the teacher notified me that for the next 4 weeks, external trainers will be going to the school and engaging the kids in gymworks. The kids will be doing obstacle courses (guided) and it should improve her co-ordination and psycho-motor skills.

Some pics from her first class:


I wasn't there to witness the class for myself, but I really appreciate the teacher snapping & sharing pics. I think Kate enjoys this activity and it's so adorable seeing her engage in new things. I get a huge sense of pride seeing her so independent (but so tiny!) and it's truly a proud parent moment!

It's been 9 days (only?!)

Everyone looks forward to the new year as it brings new hope, new challenges and new possibilities. We have plenty on our plate; here’s a recap of what’s new in the past 9 days.

1/ Kate goes to school

Kate’s started childcare and that’s a big change in our lives. For one, the timings in our daily schedule is completely changed because we have to fit fetching & picking her from school into our lives. A big plus is that she is learning plenty (already we hear her singing new tunes) & she’s enjoying herself for sure because she wants to go to school so no separation anxiety and any of that we need to contend with. The down-side is that after 3 days last week, she’s already picked up a bug and the weekend was spent feeding her cough & cold meds (she had mild fever too) and having to put up with her cranky mood because she was unwell.

It doesn’t help that she’s picked up a rash that’s making her itch and irritable – and there’s little we can do at the moment besides administer her medicine and hope that it works very soon & I hope the rash clears up please!

There are also administrative things that we need to take care of including school fees, uniforms ($ka-ching!) and little itsy bitsy stuff like packing her school bag, doing extra laundry, purchasing more necessaties (towels, socks, bedsheets)… it’s just new now and seems plenty to do and I cannot wait for me to get into the groove of this. Hopefully, the pains of “start-up” costs for school will also ease soon once we stop having to fork out for deposits/extra lessons and a seemingly endless miscellaneous list.

2/ We move

Today is the official day that we are moving into the house. This has been pushed back a couple of months and as the husband says “there’s no good time” – so we’re just going to do it. This has resulted in our weekend packed with errands to make the house livable. I’m so proud of the husband because he’s really taken the lead in building our home and though my contributions are minimal, I still take pride that I’ve helped in driving around to help sort out things like exchanging for the right set of lights/ helping to co-ordinate some deliveries – things that are time-consuming (but which I managed to help with when I can). We also spent the weekend cleaning and wiping and placing things up so that the house seems like a home. We do still have plenty more to purchase ($ka-ching!) but we still have plenty to go.

3/ Work, school and our own lives

On top of these changes, the usuals go on. The husband and I have to work. He’s not even started school (yet!) and whee it’ll be another fun game when that starts. & of course, the ‘our own lives’ bit includes me being heavily pregnant right now. I have another 8 weeks to go till EDD and physically, my body is beginning to creak. My shoulders, back and calves are achy and I get tired easily. I’m not sure if it’s the overwhelming hormones/things going on in my life resulting in an over-stimulated brain, or whether it’s because of me being in the third trimester – whatever the case, my brain is so active that I’m insomniac and I don’t get proper rest. But when the day starts, I just continue ploughing on because I know I’m not alone – the husband is equally busy & tired and we both have to work together to make things happen because they just go on – otherwise the ball will drop and well, that’s not really an option. As it is, we’re lucky that we have help from our families; things could be a lot worse. O and another un-fun side effect of the pregnancy is that I’m feeling nauseous. Not bad enough so that I need to throw up, but I retch sometimes and well, it’s uncomfortable. Our lives will change again upon Jake's arrival... now that's another story and will throw another new spin into our lives, again.

Only 9 days in and we’re pretty tired. I know things will get better.

It’s begun – the fun new year.

Kate goes to school - childcare

Kate started school on 4 January 2012.

I was filled with mixed feelings about her going. She was originally enrolled for December 2011, but due to delays in our home-moving, we pushed it back a month which was just as well since December was a 'holiday month' - it allowed us time to spend as leisurely as we could. When the day rolled around... wait. The night before the day rolled around, I was still feeling unprepared (uh, yeah I left the packing & preps till that night) and was up till rather late preparing her things for school the next day. So much packing! And it's a good thing I didn't listen to the husband's "pack tomorrow morning" because the next morning brought some delays (expected) which saw us arriving at school at 9am (30minutes behind our planned time).

Ready to go to school

Walking into the building (school on level 3)

Sitting on the bench provided, taking off her shoes

Kate Seah is in class N1 Pisa (they have other names like Miami... and I cannot recall the rest)

The entire place was chaotic with people streaming in and out, us not knowing who's staff and not, and the biggest thing has got to be the wailing and cries and tear-streaked faces with kids looking for their parents! It was so heart-wrenching and traumatic for me to watch those kids, and I was worried that Kate will be affected. However, my little trooper was more interested in the toys and exploring the place, so much so that the husband and I didn't know what to do since she seemed to be doing very well. Kate was the only new kid in her class and besides the fact that Kate wasn't dressed in the school uniform (the teacher-in-charge is away and I haven't been able to make that purchase) she fitted in very, very well.

So we stepped out of the school, leaving Kate amongst her new friends. That's her class teacher, Shanthi.

I spent the next hour & a half sending the husband to work and going for a leisurely brunch. What an unexpected burst of time to myself! I then headed back to school to pick Kate. I was greeted by an empty classroom.

So I took a picture of her little cubby-hole

& was amused by her sleeping mat (I forgot to bring her mattress cover that day). Then I ventured towards where there was noise...

And was greeted by children lined up against the wall leading to the bathroom

I peeked into the shower area and found my baby! That's her (back-view) just about to be showered. I didn't want her to see me in the midst of this activity so I stepped out quickly.

Couldn't resist this shot of a random boy who was falling asleep while waiting for his turn to shower! He kept nodding off & it was so funny!

My girl, full of smiles upon spotting me. I felt so happy that she burst into a huge smile upon sighting me and called out "Mummy!"

She gets changed by the teacher

The girl spotted her milk bottle and sneakily picked it up

Laying on her sleeping mat, kaypoh-ing

The class is still not at its full attendance yet, thus the small number of kids in the class at the moment

Teacher says it's a good time to come in as it allows Kate time to climatise to the environment and with lesser kids for now, the teacher is also able to provide more TLC & attention to Kate (the new kid). Curriculum starts officially next week. She then proceeded to tell me what the kids did in the time that I was away - they headed out for play-time, played at the indoor playground, did art & craft, had their lunch and I'd come back in time to see her shower. I was allowed to take Kate home then since it was her first day, though for the rest of the day it'd be nap-time followed by more play.

Teacher also gave me positive feedback that Kate wasn't frightened at all and in fact, helped console another classmate who was crying. She did say that Kate was "exploring" and by that, I think she's trying to say that Kate is easily distracted and wanders out of her class perimeters =_=

Kate's first art piece at school - Chinese Cherry Blossom. Teacher drew the blossom outline and Kate stuck all the beads on all on her own. I'm amazed that she can do them! I think the piece looks awesome!

Leaving school on day one. I'm enforcing Kate to take her own little bag. She is lazy to do so and I'll just leave the bag on the ground, leaving her little choice but to take it on her own.

Day 2 was a challenge because again, I spent time packing her bag the night before (I don't know why it takes me so long! Hmm, it's the unfamiliarity I reckon, and the fact that I'm so kanchiong I check and re-check. It'd become easier soon - I know) and I could only do so after putting her to sleep. It's an effort because we have to rush through the dinner and post-dinner activities (double quick time to shower! To eat! To do whatever!) because we need to be comfortably in bed an hour ahead to put her to sleep earlier. Sleeping earlier is good - a necessity actually - because we're up much earlier than usual and oh boy, after shuttling her to school on my own just for 2 days, I'm tired out.

Day 2 - little Miss Curious stares at her fellow school-mates. By this time, we'd already been up for more than an hour. Kate's had some breakfast at home, given a diaper change & a fresh change of clothes and we'd also been on the roads for at least half an hour.

Again, she sits on the same bench. She is distracted by the "temperature table" and after 2 minutes I had to take off her shoes & socks for her else I'd be late for work!

Her turn to be checked - the teacher takes her temperature, checks her mouth, back, hands & feet for any abnormalities.

She strolls in confidently on her own

& begins her "exploration" already. She crosses over to Class Miami - not her space!

I had to go off to work so I was desperately trying to say a proper goodbye to her. It was tough because she was just so distracted with everything that was going on - she wanted to touch toys, and she wanted to walk around, and she wanted to look (stare) at other children, especially those creating a fuss =_= I must admit it took me a couple of times of goodbyes before I left; cos I wanted to hug and kiss and say goodbye to her many times.

I thought of her several times through the day while at work, but was comforted knowing that she seemed happy when I left her. I went to pick her at about 4pm on day 2.

I was greeted by her taking her afternoon milk with her friends.

I also snapped a pic of her craft - though I have no idea what this is (probably a mandarin orange, in line with the CNY theme?)

And the girl plays the fool, refusing to leave.

Again, creating a fuss at the door not wanting to leave school.

I don't believe it - after all the stress (mine) of her adapting to school, she finally breaks down because she does not want to go home! Gee. It was really frustrating and amusing to see her respond like this - I know it's a good problem but oh boy, it is so tough trying to discipline a naughty child! *ggrr refer to last entry - *sigh

Anyway, today is day 3 and after the drama with Kate last night, I only managed to go to sleep myself after 11pm. I had poor sleep too because the husband didn't come home and that doesn't ever feel right. And again, it's so stressful rushing to get out of the house on time. Though the girl wasn't already awake (she was, yesterday) she was still ok enough to wake up for her breakfast and she still wanted to go to school.

We left home about 5 minutes later today which ate into my time at the school with Kate (since that's the only flexible time I have, given that I have to be at work by 9am). But again, my girl was well on her own and I didn't even take any pics today. I just hugged her, kissed her and told her goodbye. The husband is going to pick her from school today and I look forward to his views and his stories from meeting her.

It's such a refreshing and emotional experience letting your kid grow up - and this is only but a small step in the many steps that she will be taking in her life. I was chatting with fellow mommy colleagues (one's daughter will be starting childcare next month and another's son started Primary 1 this week) and it's just tough to watch them grow and let them go. But of course, we have to - otherwise it just defies the natural cycle of growth.

We have to get used to this new routine of packing and watching our timings very closely (that's rather stressful). I'm also floored by the amount of laundry she's consuming - more now that she's in school than before and that translates into more work that needs to be done. Overall, I'm very proud of my girl. I know that she will develop and grow very well in the school environment!

Well done, dear (baby) Kate. Mommy is so proud of you!

Mommy guilt

What is it about a child that makes you get so mad?

I know I have a beautiful and gorgeous daughter. I know that she is going through developments and while she is only little (27 months), she has feelings and she is exploring her boundaries and growing and probably going through a lot too.

Tonight, I got really mad with her. She's been all teary and demanding and fringed on being rude since I was with her in the late afternoon and when she said something insolent (again!) - it really ticked me off. I made her stand in the naughty corner and the more she cried the angrier I got. I yelled louder and louder and I nearly wasn't coherent because I was so mad and the words couldn't even spew out properly.

It's so illogical to be yelling that loudly at a child because she probably was not listening anymore and she was crying because she was upset. I felt like crying too after a while seeing how upset she was and I felt so lost as to what to do. I think I 'lost' the battle tonight because I'm not sure how much of the point I was trying to make got across; I felt so guilty yelling at her and punishing her and... well, I think it's true that both Kate and I felt not-that-great.

Kate's had a long day and I know she's tired and part of why she was behaving that poorly was because she was tired. So I made her milk and escaped to the shower - the MIL gave her the milk and by the time I was out & done with drying my hair (20mins) she was asleep.

And now, I look at her peaceful sleeping face, with that little burrow in her forehead, and I feel all teary inside. I feel awful that I'd yelled at her and even worse that she's gone to sleep without saying "goodnight" and "i love you".

The sister's reminded me before that being a parent is not the same as being a grandparent (when we were talking about our mother) & in a bid to console me that my role is different she surmised, "tough love! that's what you ought to & are doing as a parent!"

Being a parent is just d*mn tough, that's what it is.

Dear Jake

Dear Jake,

It's been a while since I wrote to you but trust me, I've been wanting to and thoughts have been floating around in my head aimlessly trying to get this written. Today is 5 January, exactly 2 months before your EDD, the date the doctors estimate that you'll arrive. According to him, you'll probably be similar to your elder sister - which means you'll start hurting me (really hurting me - that thing called contractions) in exactly 2 months +/- a couple of days. You'll be a March baby just like me, and you'll be a Dragon just like your ye ye & ah ma.

I forgot to mention about your last visit that you weighed 1.3kg, healthy & normal said the doctor. I wonder how much more you'd have grown by the time we see you again next week. I say 'how much' because I know that you have grown - besides the fact that it's normal for you to be doing so, I say this more because you have made it quite obvious that you're needing more space. The way you writhe and wriggle, the way you try to make it somewhere (where exactly I don't know since there ain't much places you can go to at this moment!), and how acute and pronounced the movements are demonstrate how strong you're becoming.

I am thoroughly enjoying the movements though, so don't stop. (I know, Mommy is confusing - but one point is me expressing my views, the other is me being honest that you really ain't going nowhere). I want you to know that you're very special because you're my second pregnancy which makes the experience familiar, yet special because you are unique. The way you move is different from Kate's, and I already know and expect that you'll be a special individual.

I imagine how your little face will look like, how your little hands & feet will be like, how your body will be like... I'm really looking forward to meeting you, holding you and allowing you to wreck my life upside-down, just like how every precious newborn impacts their parents. I want to love you and breastfeed you, I want to watch you wrinkle your face and move your little arms, kick your legs and I want to watch you grow up into the strong, brave, handsome, intelligent and kind boy I want you to be.

Being our second child is different because Papa and I are more trained and know what to expect. But we are not kidding ourselves that it'll be any easier! However, feel free to prove us wrong (please do) and perhaps, you're an angel baby? You're also joining us in a new environment - our new home. I hope you've enjoyed going there - my involvement in setting up home is slightly detached given that I'm protecting you from the "mess", but we hope you'll welcome the home as much as your sister cos she goes merrily berserk every time we go there.

With this new environment, there will also be different dynamics and routines to our lives. Papa and I will be wholly independent with you and Kate - and oh boy, won't that be a fun ride.

Alright baby, not too long till we meet already. Continue to grow well and learn the good stuff that I try to impart to you along the way. You are a lovely boy and I love you so much. You complete our little family.

Love, Mommy