Sad tale of a FTWM

FTWM = Full-Time Working Mom

It's a conscious decision that I made to remain working so that I'm kept sane and helping to bring bread to the table. It's not easy though, when I need to pull in long hours at work and it is not the hardest thing in the world to juggle everything, but I try. 

After the past week of holiday and spending 24/7 with the kids, it is definitely nearly depressing to go back to routine. 

So, back to my story.

Yesterday, I put in a straight 12-hours at work. My eyes, at the end of the day at 9.30pm were semi-closed and I  was so tired and famished. So I was more than willing to throw in the towel and head home.

This greeted me when I reached home.

The chair does not belong in the kitchen

Jake was being put to sleep so I spoke with Kate who was happy to see me home.

Me: Kate, why is there a chair in the kitchen?
K: oh you see? (points out of window) I can see there from here. I was looking for you, Mommy.
Me: (heart feeling shattered) Were you standing on the chair?
K: (her eyes flickered) No, I sit here and was waiting for you.

Honestly, my head and tummy were in so much ache then but I mustered all my might, and spoke to her in my most patient tone, and explained to her that it is dangerous to be standing in the kitchen; that even if she knows not to stand on the chair in the kitchen; Jake may and it is extremely dangerous, I told her that if she wanted to peep outside she can do so by standing on the ground, and my bottomline to her was "no chair in the kitchen".

She got it, she nodded but with kids, you never know. I think she does get it but if she does it again it's because she wasn't thinking and let's face it - she is 4.5yo.

My heart really feels an ache when I look at the pic and think of our conversation. This little girl of mine is so sensitive and no way in the world will I ever have my son wait for me the same way and man, this is really a pretty sad tale of a FTWM.

I don't know what else to think, and it's probably a not-so-great day yesterday. But this is a reminder that my children are only little and they need me. I do think that K can be a bit too whiney and velcro to me, but it's only temporary. I wish to find out the root of her insecurity and give her some confidence boost so that she will feel comfort that Mommy loves her no matter what.