Warrior

Two nights ago, the husband asked me, "what did your sister give you?"
It took me a moment to figure out what he was asking about, and I mumbled back, "a bracelet."


Thinking back of it, I didn't feel like that justified what the gift was, and I wondered why I was so hesitant to share more. Perhaps a part of me is still trying to bury the truth, and pain of this rut I am trudging through. It shouldn't be the case. I should be proud of my achievements so far - that despite what I was feeling (tired and slightly beaten, just wanting to snuggle up under my blankets and just lie there dormant with no care of the world, to screw all responsibilities and needs) - life still goes on. I wake up daily to look after the little people who rely on me to get on with their daily lives, to have meals with the people who mean the world to me, to celebrate in joys and not just dwell on myself... each day still goes by as if there was nothing wrong at all - that takes every ounce of strength and while I still stumble, I think there is a lot to be said that things just keep moving. I am seeking for love and support from the people around me - whether or not they know what their responses mean to me, I actively seek it and I think that is credit to me.
So, my more accurate response to what my sister gave me, was this - hope.

Simple and meaningful messages

When I received the gift, I was touched. My heart was beating and I felt so amused that my sister had thought of me, yet not at all. Amused because just before I got the gift, I figured out that random 'ninja delivery' was from her. She has gifted me as part of her gifting exercise before, but I didn't think that I'd be a recipient this time (to be honest, I was just not thinking). So just before I collected the gift, she was way more excited than me. She had received the notification that the parcel had been delivered and urged me to look for it. It took me a while to receive it because there are fixed timings for parcel pick-up in the office.

When I did get it, I was smiling to myself, with a slight bounce in my step. As I held the parcel in my hand, and made my way from the mail room to my desk, my heart started feeling all fluttery. The idea of receiving a gift from my beloved sister, for no reason at all, started to strike me. I thought of all the times I had struggled in the past months, I thought of me confiding in her of all that I felt... it all started to hit me at once and I knew that I needed to share the moment with her.
I found a quiet room, and I rang her. I was incoherent, practically. I had her on the phone, as I opened the gift, sobbling... and as I read the words on the packaging, I broke down. The words of encouragement and support was so appropriate and struck bulls-eye; it meant so much to me that those words, seemingly so innocuous to another, meant the world to me at this moment.


Warrior - is about having the quiet courage to say at the end of the day, "I will try again tomorrow."
The gift was such a thoughtful one, and one that truly meant so much to me at this moment in time. I am blessed, I have plenty to be thankful for, and I hold on to this belief that you have in me that I can do this.


Thank you.