Dear Kate,
It's been a long time since I wrote to you. Things have been really quite topsy-turvy lately, haven't they. Mommy feels bad that you have to go through so much when you're so little, but trust me, we don't really have much choice and Papa and I are doing all that we can to make things comfortable and best for you. I'm not sure if it's right, but it's our best.
Separation anxiety is a big thing for you and I'm not surprised really, given the huge amount of changes going on in your life. You've had to deal with my then-pregnancy, had to adjust to a new home with new environment and sleeping arrangements, and you've also had to start school. Right now, you're also faced with a new little brother.
I'm glad that by now, settled well into our new home. You are able to sleep in your room (accompanied by someone) and you walk around the house so carefree, like a boss! You don't even need the lights switched on to run amok and that's a great thing to see - that you enjoy your new home.
School was a huge failure - not on anyone's part, really. Despite your unwillingness, you still go through it very well once you've been dropped off. Of course, the tears and fights while preparing for school ain't pretty but at least you still go along with the motion and get through with it. My heart really aches to see you struggle, but again, it's part of growth and development. To hear you ask so expectantly "today got school?" - and to already know your response whether we say "yes" or "no" is so trying yet painful for me. The relief to the former is palpable, and the distress and unhappiness to the latter is too dramatic. Very tough for your emotional-based Mommy me.
We don't know if it's right, but you're no longer going to school for now - because your body cannot take it. And neither can we. To see you sniffle and cough and run a temperature because of the germs that you are exposed to in school is akin to us delivering you into trouble and after trying to put up with this sick-nonsense and all, we've raised the white flag. I think the last straw that broke the camel's back was when you went back to school after a month's break and on day 2, you were unwell already. To make matters worse, the bug was shared with Jake and the next two weeks that followed watching over the two of you was sheer torture. Even till today, you ask if you have to go to school but the frequency is much less. You still mention your teachers' name and random things about school - but you are definitely happy that you no longer have to go.
You love your little brother and that's so heartwarming to observe. There're no signs of unhappiness at all and I'm so proud of you, to be able to welcome him so openly. You mimic the adults calling him "Jaaake" in that sing-song fashion. You insist on kissing and touching and seeing and carrying him everytime you see him (only to give up when something else more interesting tickles your fancy). You ask about him when you don't see him, you already include him when we talk about things (what about didi?). You are the first to run to him when you hear him cry and you are also the one who disturbs his sleep the most. You tell us "didi crying!" or instruct me "you better go and feed milk!", just like the little bossy girl you are. I hope that you two will grow up together tight so that you have each other to confide, rely and have fun with.
At 2.5years, you are also testing your boundaries and making life rather challenging for everyone around. Perhaps it's a side effect of jealousy too - you clamour for our attention with all sorts of antics and you throw tantrums and yell and scream and your favourite words now are "I DON'T WANT" and "NO". Sigh. Very tough. Every little thing becomes a chore - do you want to shower? Do you need the toilet? Do you - even without completing our question, I know you're already going to resist and kick a fuss, like that's your auto-response. Because I'm nursing Jake, I've had to keep him by my side constantly and I so miss you darling. The pockets of moments where it's just you and me are seldom and when they do happen, it's so lovely because it's just us and you're normal and not a naughty child and that's the Kate that I know and want you to be. I really cannot wait for you to settle down and get out of this terribly terrible phase. It's so detrimental to your being, and mine too.
Lastly, I'm sorry, my dear. I'm sorry that I've lost patience with you too many times. That I'm so harsh with dishing out punishment when you misbehave - I know that you're a child and I ought to be the adult rather than cave in to my emotions, so my dear girl, I'm sorry.
Growing up is tough - Mommy's doing a lot of that now, learning to cope with two - and you're doing a great job of it (can be better! No tantrums please!) and I want you to really listen to me when I tell you repeatedly that 'I love you". Only time will ease our life and from now till the time that we are all comfortable, I pray that you stay happy (as much as you can).
I love you so much, my princess.
Love, Mommy
