Goodbye, March

It has been a long, long month. 

The month started full of festivity with the mid-to-end of Chinese New Year. 

Zhap-gor meh, Teochew for "15th night" (literally). The last lohei tossed with the family.
Filled with love and laughter!

Work crept into our lives, consuming us whole; making me pant and feel like I was out of breath - loads to plan, forecast, action upon. 

I celebrated my birthday on several occasions - With the family. The friends (plus family). The girlfriends. 

My first restaurant week experience at a new Italian with my girls. The wine was delish!

The actual day itself was dismal - a huge lesson for me to learn how to manage my emotions and keep my head up. 

In between it all, I still felt like I couldn't catch up. Work just kept steaming ahead. I felt like I was not living from Mondays-Fridays and the weekends passed too quickly. 

I was so tired. 

The husband had an equally unforgiving month full of work and school and it came to a point we didn't even celebrate our anniversary. 

Besides being busy, though, Singapore also went through a week of mourning for a very special and respected forefather. It was an emotional week. 

Then, life got better. I had a few lunches last and this week. I caught up with different friends. I learnt of new things about them and their lives. It felt so good to step out for lunch and feel normal. 

Was I burnt out? Probably. Am I defeated? No. 

I am thankful that in the extremely busy month, I still sneaked in pockets of love and fun for myself. Some things happened for a reason and I'm hopeful that they mean something. I discovered that a friend had a close shave with cancer last year - he is my age and I am so thankful he is well now. Just this morning, I was gazing at my children and enjoying their sounds of play with each other. 

I hope you both love each other until the end of time

It has been quite a ride, March. I remember it was quite a fun time, typically - when the husband and I had time to go away together last year and it is the month of my birthday and anniversary. But this year, it has been rather oddly different. 

I will try to keep the lessons I learnt in my heart and mind. It has been tiring and I want to pace myself better now. 

So, goodbye March. 

Seven years - Cheers, to us

24 March, 2008

Some days, it feels just like yesterday

Most days, we go about our own ways

It's rough with two bundles of joy

Our little monkeys - a girl and a boy

But effort is made to talk and overcome

The result is so we love and laugh 

I know, sometimes, I ask for more

But I do try to give my all

Seven years, it has been

More than all I could ever dream

Thank you for your love

Cheers, to us

And just like that, the year has whizzed by since then.

Contrast

The dramatic, sensitive girl versus the chillax, cool-as-cucumber boy 

I still marvel and muse how different both are when the parents are exactly the same pair? 

The little black bird

It was heavy rain. So heavy that the bottom third of my body was wet even though I have an umbrella and merely crossed two little roads. 

It was at a little path in the non-shelter that I heard little tweets. I looked down and saw a little black rock. Oh wait. That's not a rock. It was a little wet bird chirping away. 

It looked as if it were stuck and couldn't move. I wanted to help it but I didn't dare to touch it. 

I walked away. But I couldn't stop looking back. I wanted to help it. 

I went up to a regular hawker that I know and asked if he dared to touch birds. He seemed reluctant but walked with me to take a look. Just as we were nearing the little bird "see that little black dot?" I said to him... We saw a man doing exactly what I wanted to do. 

The man picked up the little bird and placed him under shelter. I felt so happy. 

I'm glad the bird is at least under shelter. And while I can't help him more for now, I'm glad I tried. 

The husband and I had a random lengthy conversation last night about how me being emotional is very tiring and unnecessary. As much as I agree with him, I cannot change my genetic composition. I can endeavor to be more efficient in my thought process, but this is just me. 

I wish the little black bird well. 

Day 8: San Francisco all over round 2

So, after the previous long day of gallivanting about SF, we laid in a little and cleared more laundry, did more packing and did the same routine as the day before. Truly, by the time we wash up 4 people, change, pack the day-bag... assess our wardrobe and change because of mis-matched clothes (I just needed to put this down so that the husband and I will remember this and be able to laugh about this - now. At that point it felt extremely &%^@*!) ... it was again lunch time when we set off. 

Just for the record, my gf A has this sort of routine in her home. The household wakes up, Papa goes off to work, A does the school run and drop the kids off at school (they are in the same school) and comes home for brekkie and heads off to work. It is during this coffee-time of hers that I get to hang with her a little and chit chat and talk about our (non-exciting) plans for the day. The fact that we found a way to fit into their routine with (hopefully) minimal disruption and catch up in the morning/ end of the night after we get back, while eating through her pantry and having our laundry done in her comfortable home - it was bliss. I'm so thankful that she is so kind and warm and welcomed all of us #feelingblessed.

So, on this day, the weather was warm and sunny, the winds were cool and K was finally feeling better. She wasn't in tip-top shape, but I think she wasn't as bad as the day before where she practically slept her way through SF in the pram. 

The gangster siblings

Both of the children requested for "CHINESE FOOD LIKE YESTERDAY!" quite unanimously and even though I didn't really crave it anymore, it was pretty tough to turn down their earnest request. So off we went.

K managed to stomach more bits of dim sum and food (hooray) and turns out that our son was quite an adventurous consumer!

Chicken feet like a true Chinese boy

We parked off the car at the Bart station and again, headed to take the Bart into the city.

So much love for these two men

Someone was happy he got a candy!

The husband had a shopping itch to scratch today, so we decided to head into the mall. First stop, coffee/milk for him and I.

Cheers to getting our fix!

Admittedly, it wasn't a very exciting day for the kids, as the husband and I pushed them through shop after shop, as we did our own shopping. They self-entertained with sporadic moments on the youtube/ running in between clothes racks... or in K's case, just sitting in the pram and chilling/snoozing. My favourite buys of the day were my Lululemons!

In the evening, we decided to take an ice-cream stop. Yummy in our tummies.

Making the effort to get off her bum because ice-cream is a huge treat

It was also at this point that we realised J soiled himself and we had to change him out of his soiled bottoms and thank goodness we had an extra pair of pants.We did more walking around and shopping. By then, the skies were dark and it felt so nice to walk about the night scene of SF. It started to cool down a lot and we sought comfort in the warmth when we stepped into the shops. We spent some moments just sitting in the dark in Union Square. Talking about random stuff for a bit. I remember thinking, wonder why it's so significant this place? And while I cannot say that I embrace the history, I do remember being there with the husband many years and being in the same place again years later with our offsprings - that did it for me.

Making himself comfortable

For dinner, we decided to eat The Cheesecake Factory - giving it a second shot after our first day in LA. It turned out to be pretty good. We were so stuffed with the food that we had to takeaway several cheesecakes to share with our hosts. 

K still had the runs, but it was way less frequent (phew) and at least she could muster some disinterest in taking this #OOTD in the bathroom haha

So on the way to the Bart station, we tried for a family shot with the famous cable cars of San Francisco. Our pic the day before was so sad, with sickie K and I'm so glad we managed a pretty pic for keepsake.

Happy family!

This was us on the way back 

Once again, we got home safely and crashed to bed. Today felt rather similar to our yesterday but not really. TGIF.

So, I turn 35...

On a very frustrated note. The clock struck 12 and I was at work. Sitting at my desk, crunching away on my keyboard. Boo. 

The silver lining is that I wasn't alone, so it could have been worse. At least someone was there to wish me. 

I made it home tired and bleary eyed, knocked out feeling strung out and alone.  

At least I have a home and everyone is safe, right?

Morning broke and I had no energy for exercise because I was so tired. I also had a meeting to rush for so I made it off to work. The son was wailing and it made me all grumpy leaving for work. 

The good is that my sweet Dad rang me offering a ride a tad late. My daughter drew me a lovely card.

On the ride to work, I pulled myself together, psyching myself that it's not that awful that I had to work on my birthday. I filtered through social media and sought comfort in the birthday messages streaming through. 

I was in the most sentimental mood as I posted this up.

At least my make-up didn't run.

The original us, 17 March 1991.

I made it to work, started the work day and things just kept piling up. One after another, job after job, issue after issue, I was out of breath. 

At least, I had a job. I also had time in-between meetings to eat a proper lunch.

The afternoon went on, I tried to feel normal, but this cloud of gloom just kept hovering over my head. The work still kept piling up and I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. 

After a day of trying to seek the good things, I let it crumble. 

I spent the next few hours in a total strop. I couldn't receive the birthday wishes to me properly, with heart. I couldn't embrace the birthday cake that was presented to the March babies.

I allowed my bad emotions to overwhelm me and work to defeat me, I was snappy, a horrible little woman, and I was down. 

By 8pm, I finally calmed down. I felt so tired with all the negative energy in me that I couldn't hold on to it anymore. I stopped being stroppy. I stopped being un-nice. I just stopped feeling and just continued ploughing through my work. At some point, the husband offered to pick me, but I declined. I promised to make it home early enough, I knew I wanted to see the kids.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!

And this, seeing them, made it all better again. I made simple, heartfelt wishes. For me, for them, for the family. I was sung a birthday song, we all had cake, they went to sleep, I went to shower.

It was another regular day. But I made it out to be special, and I guess I was disappointed. I wanted to be at play, but I couldn't so I was at conflict within. I could have soldiered on with an open heart, but I didn't, and I let it eat at me and I cried. I cried tears of self pity and sadness, too much of sentiment and emotion. But why?

My husband and children got me cake. I have a birthday card hand-drawn from my girl. I have a beautiful life, home and children. I received flowers from the family. I am an able-bodied, healthy woman. I received plenty of well wishes and smiles and hugs and love all around from friends and family and colleagues. 

My life is not bad at all.

Salted caramel, the husband, and roses from him

And so, as I am ending my night, on my birthday, I'm thinking through how I felt today. True, it started off busy and stressful, but I could have stopped myself from being a pain many times through the day. I think I tried, but I didn't succeed properly.

At 35, I'm still the same, emotional me; I guess some things don't change. It is terribly tiring to be so strung out though, to battle the frustration and responsibility within. But truth is - I did not have to be that unhappy. I did not have to let work envelope me like that, or for myself to be such a pain. 

Perhaps it is really time to stop and think and do something. 

To be happier, to be better, to be stronger, to put things into perspective. 

I guess it's a lesson to learn. That no matter what your age, no matter what the occasion, that no matter what. Everything can be fine, everything will be fine, everything is fine. 

Happy birthday to me. A silly, emotional, some-things-don't-change 35-year-old me.

Birthday celebrations - part duex with friends

So, I had a great idea. And it still is, except that the weather was totally a wet blanket. Ha ha ha.

My great idea

I'd wanted to have a lovely ride on the boat with my friends, but it was not meant to be. The skies turned dark, and we sought refuge to have a snack.

Lining our tummies pre-drinks

We'd hoped that the weather will prevail, and we could go on with our plan. But it really wasn't meant to be. Not only did the rain not let up, it got heavier. We ended up making a run for the first bar.

Or, most people did. Except for us.

The kind husband borrowed umbrellas for us, and we made it mostly dry to the first bar around the corner.

It was our birthday celebration - combined, for the month of March. 

So, March 17 is also Saint Patrick's Day. And we happened to be in an Irish Pub. Rain, free hats... was a match made in heaven. And while we did look silly, it felt silly but u'noe what, it's perfectly ok! After one drink at Penny Black, we headed next door for round 2. We had dinner, more drinks and "birthday cake" - didn't really feel like it without candles, but we got the song.

Pub stop 2

Then we made it to our final stop for the night, at 1 Altitude. This was my request - I wanted to experience a sky-high experience and I'd never been, and after hearing all the nice things of it, I'm glad that the rain did stop so that we could go up.

So much love for this group of people

Our poison for the night

After hours, we made it off for supper. It was all quite a dramatic night for most of us, as having a night off was a rarity, much less a night that lasted until - are you ready - 3 am!
I ended up waking up the night morning (barely) with a headache and a very tired body.

But the whole takeaway, was the love that everyone had for one another, that I was with my best friends, my best family, and it was such a tight little crowd with those that really mattered that made it all truly what it was meant to be.

I'm so blessed to have these people in my life, and I'll not wish for anything to change.

Here's to friendship and more birthdays and laughs! (less the headache and hangover, please)

Part 1 of my birthday with my family here

Day 7: First day in San Francisco

After a good night's sleep, we all awoke lazily. It felt nice to snuggle in bed comfortably, with no real rush - afterall, we were going to be in SF until the weekend. 

The kids were excited as they had friends (two children of similar ages, my friend's kids). I was excited to be able to do laundry! And I think the husband got well-deserved rest from driving - it is exhausting, after all. 

The morning was spent packing, laundry, having a simple breakfast - just like it was our home - bread, coffee, cereal, fruit... and we had no real plan for the day. We had friendly chat with my gf (who left for work slightly later), who recommended places to go, food to eat, spots to visit... by the time we left the home, it was late morning. 

We went to have chinese food - not Panda Express (the American version of food court economic rice), but proper, Chinese food. Ten years ago, we had that and I remember it being pretty yummy and thankfully, the restaurant wasn't too far away from her home and so we went!

I. Was. In. Food. Heaven. 

Dimsum spread, happy Chinese people, a giant siew mai.
(In the top-right pic, try spotting K)

It was such a happy meal. Personally, I thought the food super and it really hit the spot. The only bummer was that K was still unwell, and spent it pretty much horizontal. Poor girl.

After the meal, we made our way to the Bart Station. We then commuted to Powell Station in the city.

Happy lunch = happy commuters

It felt nice, being in the city of San Francisco. It was familiar, the sights were bustling, and it felt surreal. The weather was warm and sunny, with cool winds.

A boy and his toy - the Fire Truck

On the streets of SF

Poor K was still not well, as you can see from the picture above. She just wanted to rest. We walked the streets, passed Nike Town (I remember having a lot of fun in there my last trip!) and with no real aim, decided to head for Fisherman's Wharf. We took a bus from a bus stop some streets off Union Square and it was an interesting bus ride. It passed through Chinatown and there are so many Chinese people, old Chinese people. They move quite slowly, but they are still mobile and independent, such a lovely sight that they are going ahead with their lives still in good health. 

When we reached the stop for the Wharf, we got off and practically rolled down the slopes. Haha, forgotten how hilly the place is. The kids were both fighting for the pram - K was unwell and J was whiney and tired for milk - so we had to find a pitstop to settle them both. J was in a happy mood once he had his milk, and graciously gave up the pram to his sick sister. 

We strolled down the streets towards Pier 39. The winds were cool, the skies were bright. It was lovely.

Pretty tulips, my rowdy boys, and my poor sick K

Wandering about Pier 39

Watching the sealions

We didn't do much, just spent time strolling around and taking in the sights. It felt relaxed and the boy was so happy that we were happy too. The little girl was recharging and slept all the way till dinner time.

See the man in the back with the drum set? He played such awesome music!

We settled for dinner at No. 9 Fisherman's Grotto. We opted for outdoor seating so that we could hear music from the amazing busker, while basking in the natural winds of the pier.

Bread served, while waiting for our food

Happy chowder chomper

It was a meal so filling and so yummy. By the time I finished my wine, I was well-toasted. We wanted to let the kids experience the cable car, so off we went.

J insisted on taking a pic with the pirate. High spirits!

While queueing up for the cable car, my little boy made friends with others in the queue. It was quite adorable to watch him banter and stand his own. My little girl, however, was still unwell and she didn't even have the appetite to eat any dinner. I think she had some crackers and bread.

Cable car pic - see? Poor K.

On the other hand... someone's happy

We headed back home the same way we came. And on the Bart, everyone pretty much wound down.

KO

By the time we reached home, K was slightly energised as she'd been resting and the poor girl was hungry. She had some apple slices and dry cereal and went to sleep. J knocked out and we all went to sleep after a long day out. 

I stayed up to chat with my girlfriend and it was so nice. Lovely, lovely day 1 in SF.

Read about our last day here.

Day 6: Goodbye Yosemite, Hello San Francisco

After the very rough night one day before, I felt like my head was going to split. By this day, the husband seemed to really understand my need for coffee in the morning, and offered to go buy while I pack up and get ready to check out from the lodge. 

Just before we stepped out from our very cosy and warm lodge, I had to take pictures of the view. 

View from our room

Sleeping with nature, kinda

All bundled up and ready to go

Standing in the sunshine was so comfortable

We drove off, after packing luggages and both kids in, and drove off. I have only been in Yosemite two nights, and perhaps it's because this place holds a special place in my husband's heart, I really like the place. From the build-up of the drive from LA to Yosemite, and even exploring within Yosemite, the big, big world really struck me and I felt so humbled. 

And since I set my eyes on the open fields, I had the desire to run through the fields. It seemed to be calling out to me, to run free! And so I did.

It was super liberating to just run!

On the drive down Yosemite, the husband and I stopped to take pictures. The kids were snuggled up and not keen to get out from their warm seats, and they were probably both tired from the rough sickie-night.

Thank you, for introducing Yosemite to me

WHEE

It took us a few hours to get to San Francisco, and through the drive, we snacked, ate bad junk food, ploughed through our vehicle-pantry (that we stocked up with chips, fruits, cookies, yoghurt, drinks, granola bars....) so by the time it was 5pm, we were ready to get out of the car to stretch our legs.

We had arrived at Livermore Outlet Malls and we took the opportunity to walkabout, shop and have our dinner.

So, people ask / wonder how we shop with kids in tow. Between the husband and I, we divide and conquer - we take a child each, and I usually take the child in a pram. I'm able to push the child, distract with snacks, play games (peekaboo amidst the clothes rack is a favourite). We move in pairs on our own and it becomes a thrill for the kids to meet up when we bump into each other in the stores. On this particular shopping stopover, I got some clothes from Gap for myself and the kids, a new pair of sunnies, and exercise clothes.

Poor J had a relapse of diarrhoea and when we stopped for dinner (post-shopping), he had a terrible time in the loo. I still remember his poor little face all crumpled up with beads of perspiration streaming down. I had to ask a kind lady for help, as I hadn't expected him to have the runs so I did not bring along a diaper. I could not leave him alone, so thankfully, this kind lady helped to go back to the food court and look for the husband, so that he could pass me a piece of diaper. Thankfully, nothing major happened after that episode, except that the kids were bored and were tired from being in the car all day.

It took us another hour to get to our home for the next few nights. Ten years ago, the husband - who was then the boyfriend - and I went to stay in this same home with my gf and her husband. Ten years later, the house was a bit bigger (they expanded a basement), filled with more people (they have two children), and we all were going to be together for the next few days.

The reunion was sweet! We were all tired, and to be able to sleep in a home, felt so comfortable and that night, we all slept very well.

Hello, San Francisco.

#sistersarethebest

Just the two of us (for most of it), talking, eating, drinking. #bliss

Special delivery because I mentioned my craving.

Thank you, for being the lovely person that you are. 

Thank you, for being so sensitive and listening to me and even making my ice-cream craving happen. 

Thank you, for being so beautiful on the inside and outside.

Thank you, for always being there. 

Thank you, for being silly with me.

Thank you, for not judging me.

Thank you, for laughing at/with me.

Thank you, for planning and talking about everything with me.

Thank you, for being the best sister I can imagine.

Thank you, for being so like me.

Thank you.

Birthday lunch with the best family in the world

So, it's family tradition we hang out with the family for a meal and celebrate birthdays and believe it or not, a year has passed since. This year, we settled on Japanese and as always, chocolate cake.

Family

I think what made this year sweeter, is that we know that Aunty C is going to be part of our family soon. Exciting!

3-5

Perhaps it's age, but I felt extra poignant and emotional this year. I enjoyed being in the cosy dining area with the family, the room was a cacophony of laughter and loud voices, all of which were trademarks of our family. Yes, the kids are growing up to be boisterous, adorable and naughty. They are also becoming spunky, a tad smart-alecky and way too cute.

My parents, grow older with each year that I do too, and I really wish them the best of health because I am nowhere without them, their guidance and love through all my life.

My siblings, the sweet little ah-girl and ah-boy, are little no more, and young, capable and good-looking adults leading great lives of their own. Our new soon-to-be family member, so sweet and smiley, so kind and accepting of all of us.

My husband, who is the pillar in my life, there with me, eating my food, being the usual man that he is. Whom despite it all, can be such a sweetheart or otherwise, but whom I know will be there for me.

The cake was so dense that he deemed this the best way to eat the cake
("My hand so painful", he said, when he couldn't cut it with the plastic fork)

Love. 

This year, I give extra thanks with all my heart and I wish for all the good blessings in the world upon my family, whom I love with all my heart. Happy times :)