Reflections, quarter one, two oh one nine

Last December, I wondered why I only did reflections end of the year. If it felt fulfilling to rewind the moments (of course the good was better but the bad also made the good better), why did I not just do more of it? So, I set monthly reminders - last Saturday of each month, recurring reminders from January to December.


Have I succeeded? Well, the below was a draft I started in January 2019. I did not get around to really sitting down my ass to truly think, and my feeble attempt was to jot down the loose thoughts I had.


January 2019.


1. I shall spend money on experiences, not material things.
2. I shall spend more time with my family - collectively as awesome-foursome; but also individually (alone with the husband and daughter and son) to have quality time together.
3. Read books
4. Continue with consistent exercise - HIIT / yoga / running
5. Take up a course - I'm considering a yoga-certification, or a personal trainer certification course
6. Save money


===========================================================


I remember thinking that it was just not good enough. I did not have enough real thoughts, that it felt lame to just toss those out as they were just a list of my resolutions.


Today is the last day of March. I realise that perfect can be over-rated. What is a perfect composition/post? Also, so much happens that the point of me reminding myself to reflect regularly is to just capture all that had happened; so it is not necessary for drama. I also think I did not bother enough to reflect. So, here goes... I'll start with my list.


Spending on experiences, not material things.
I think I did fine on this. Truth be told, I did spend on some things. I got some new underwear, and skincare for myself, I also bought clothes for the children. I also have purchased groceries relentlessly - woe be to (too much) convenience of online shopping. I have browsed, ala 'window shopping' online, but never tempted to add to cart or check out. So good job, well done to me.


The husband and I also went for a concert together. It was a pretty understated singer, known to the xin yao folks in the 1990s; and it was enjoyable enough. We then had a bonus night of supper, which has also led us to more adventures of new supper spots in our hood. I hope we continue to do this - again, experience plus time together, win!


Time with family.
I never stopped doing this, but can I do more? Of course.
Our family rolled into a new routine for Saturdays as the husband and I split duties per child to take on activities with them - rugby (new thing) for the boy, homework revision (constant old) with the girl. We paid to watch our first rugby match as a family due to this new interest of the son's, and we will be going for more.
We continue our family meals when we can and Friday evenings with the family is truly the best way to launch into the weekend.
The relationship with the girl can be better, as we seem to spend (too much) time discussing and fighting over work. The boy is adapting well into primary school and is pretty much a breeze to handle around academics.
The husband and I have a pretty clockwork system of taking a child to school each on most days and it is working out well.


I have not done time alone too much with the children, and the movie tickets are still in the house somewhere, unused. Gotta use them soon!


Reading and exercising
The former is going a bit slow, the latter is going well. I have read some books, but lost the reading zest as I couldn't find more palatable books to consume. I'm currently re-reading a book from Jodi Picoult which I have read before; but because it is kinda moody and super touching to the core; it suits my pensive mood and so I am on it. May I constantly find good reads and have the luck to get sucked into the world of whatever it is.


Just took my stats at the gym 2 days back and it read pretty much 95% the same as end Jan, so I guess I'm doing well. I still get my cravings (which usually results in cravings 1 - self-discipline 0). The husband lamented that I was very skinny, and so I guess it is mostly my mind playing tricks than actually how much I look, so I shall not complain and be thankful that I have a healthy and fit body to keep active.


Take up a course / saving
I was considering a Personal Trainer course - I went as far as to write in to enquire about a course; spoke to a girlfriend about it but it has come to nothing. I cannot commit to it.
I also considered a yoga certification, and went as far as to a yoga clinic which talked me through the course, schedule... my take-away was that I think that school is not bad and I quite liked the yoga teacher, but again, I cannot commit.


A part of it all was money (which I wanted to save) but truth is I think it is just not a priority enough for me. It all takes time away from my family and I think I am ok to drop this thought this year. My want to be with the family is greater than the need for my certification; so I will park this guilt-free. I shall continue to keep active so that I can still find my happiness in sweating out on my own, or with the trustworthy apps/sites that has been keeping me in good company.


Saving up - I am trying, and I am also spending. We are parking aside good money for our travel plans this year, so I am willingly putting it aside. One clear area of improvement is in the grocery department, so I'll see how I manage that better.


There. Nothing too hard, nothing too exciting, and I've done a quick check against how I am achieving and it has been not too bad at all.


Now, for the hard, gritty part.


Three weeks ago, I celebrated my birthday. It started with meals with colleagues & family, a much-desired massage that helped with my stiff neck & shoulders, flowers, beach time and dinner with my closest, day with the kids and I collected pictures which I wanted to post and commemorate me turning 39. That day turned out to be truly memorable, in a very unexpected way.
I believe 18 March will always hold a different for me hereon.


The days that followed were dark and sad, and I was in a space that I had nearly forgotten of. Years ago, the macabre and dramatic June dwelled in that space pretty often (unhealthily so) and I was thrown back into those days of darkness. My sense of self-worth was very low, and I only managed to get through the days because I much preferred to pretend that all was well, and because the kids were priority. Having to support and take them through their days like clockwork made it helpful to move along; but I was in a very bad space.


The husband and I had a hard talk some days later and it has now been 3 weeks. Things are better, way better but I definitely learnt some good lessons.

• I learnt that my priorities are my husband and children and there is no need to test this in any form.
• I learnt that I can be such an idiot because I am so dumb sometimes and that hurt. It hurts a lot but I am willing to suck it up because my top priorities are important enough for me to face my ugly.
• I learnt that when I say that I am 'sad', it is probably real in some form but in the real deal when I was truly sad for those long-short-painful days, facing possible loss was the real deal; something that I am glad I have fleetingly experienced but not needed to dwell more on.
• I learnt that respect is under-rated and I can show it more to those who I truly respect.
• I learnt that love can be enough sometimes, just enough to get by.

I am in a good space today and I am so thankful for so much.

I am loved.

Reminder that I am loved.

Pre-run jitters

The children are on a short cruise with their beloved grandparents and the past few days have been peaceful and busy. On Thursday, the one night that the husband and I were free, we met to pick up the race packs.

One for posterity

After which, we had dinner and stopped by a bar for 1 beer (his) and 1 dessert (ours). I have been taking carbo loading very seriously (cannot make my sister un-proud of me!) and after a week of eating full; I am quite tired of it already (hah).

View from the bar

That evening, we talked about our home renovations, our upcoming holiday plans and the run. The husband asked, "what's your strategy?" I stared at him, clueless. I hadn't thought about it at all; I am doing this to complete and tick off the bucket list. I want to enjoy running it to some degree, with little pressure or pain. He told me that he will run it with me and that is one of the most romantic and sweetest thing honestly; I truly appreciate it (inside joke, though one person will appreciate this more than the other).


As part of the training, which is actually as hard as the run, I have some reflections:

• Sickness sucks. There were a few weeks I was on total form, killing kilometres by the bulk and while my body ached, my mind was so happy and determined to keep on track. Then came the flu bug and it just made me all slothy and unwell.
• Running can take place anywhere: having a partner who takes exercise as part of life is great, as we just run on-the-go; like on our trip to Japan within training period. As part of our upcoming holiday planning, I am talking trekking, walking, lots of nature and fresh air. Woot!
• Doing only one thing is boring. I quite like running - it is efficient, it gives me fulfilment to see distance clocked (I'm not being on speed/time; accomplishment and finish is more for me) and my kilos on the Nike app go up steadily. However, when training, I have to run to train and over time, that makes it slightly dreary. Some days, I wish to do other forms of exercise so that's a bit of a strain.
• The body is amazing - many have said that I should run at least 30km to get myself ready but I have not done so. I only did 2 runs that are longish, at 21km and 23km. These runs were a week apart and with the testing of gels on these runs, I felt pretty good from the 1st to 2nd run. It's been 2 weeks since and I hope that my 3rd and final long run will be as ok as can be!
• Diet: I have always been pretty ok in my diet, eating whenever and whatever. The past week has been fun in carbo-loading (eat eat eat away!) and I have intentionally watched my alcohol intake the past month. I can actually count what I have had - no more than 4 glasses of wine and no beer. It was my company's D&D last night and I had 3 sips of beer. Proud of myself!
• My toes: lessons picked up are that Vaseline works better than tape for my toes. I have also given up having normal toe nails (or any at all). I have also learnt how to manage and treat my own blisters. It's a good skill to know!
• The husband is my rock. I deem my husband to be a fit man. He is an ironman, he is fit for work and besides being a great partner in sport, he is my rock. For him to be by my side will be so reassuring for me. Thank you, babe.

On the eve of the run, I still cannot imagine how my run will be, especially past the 20km mark; and I hope to remember these:

• Try to enjoy it. On my YOLO run, I walked and did not beat myself up about it. It is ok to walk. It is still making distance (no matter how slowly - ever hear the story of the tortoise and the hare?)
• Don't stress. I think I a quite a serious runner. My face is kinda frowny and I seem worried. I will try to remember to not worry about anything!
• Look around - I will try to take in the sights, the people around me, the weather, the everything. It's all part of the experience.
• I will be ok. Having no expectations can only be a good thing!

1-2-3-4.

First up, the children are doing the run this evening and I am going to have some fun with them - hoorah! Counting down... 13 more hours!

Date night

Good food. Good company. Good life.

Day 7: Visiting Tsukiji, Shopping and our last night in Tokyo

The plan was for us to have breakfast at Tsukij this morning. Ever since our last visit to Japan, the husband has yearned to be head back to Tsukiji again. So finally, this day has come where we managed to tick this off his want list. After grabbing coffee and feeding the kids some bread (their version of breakfast), the #happyfamilyinjapan crew met at the lobby and headed to the markets. It was just a few stops away from our hotel/train station.

Wandering the stalls

#ootd

Our aim this round was simple - to just eat our way through whatever tickled our fancy! The husband picked one particular hole-in-wall restaurant which had very limited seats, so we split up for a while.

This little boy chose to eat with us

The end

J's rendition of our breakfast situation

Fresh fish = happy boys

We had some sets of fresh, fresh sushi and it felt so amazing to sit on the stool to absorb all the buzz in the area. The chefs all looked rather intimidating as they skillfully packed sushi with their nimble fingers. It still felt a bit much to have raw fish for breakfast, but an experience is an experience so one off the list! After eating, we headed off and ventured to meet with the rest.

Sun up in full glory

Making our way through more food stalls

Reunited! And look how happy everyone is! They were well into their meal; don't let the shabby setting fool you, the food was pure gold!

Happy street-side eaters

Uni, anyone?

Uni. Oysters.

Oh the uni experience

K loves her ikura

Soft-serve

It was so good, we went back for thirds

Grilled seafood goodness

We stayed at our food corner for a (long) while, going through food (some purchases more than once), then finally, when we felt satisfied, moved on to venture other parts of the market we haven't went to yet.

Us in the busy streets

See food, seafood.

Having a moment with her strawberry

This made me smile :) I love watching the children enjoy food!

I cannot remember what they were eating but we ate it all

This walking-around-to-eat journey was very different from what the husband and I experienced before. The highlight then was the auction, this time it was sheer enjoying of food. Having good company made it even better.

Our final stop for sashimi

Seahs at Tsukiji

By then, it was mid-day and the sun was so hot. We were full from an extended brunch and decided to head to the city for some shopping. Off to Shibuya we went.

In front of the busiest crossing in the world

We were at this mall (Hachiko, refer to sister's post for that family pic) and the family split up for some time to just walk about free-and-easy. As the husband and I were not inclined to buy anything, I requested for us to go to the Lindt café that I spied earlier.

Lindt

It was a 4-storey building that sold chocolates and had a bar/cashier on level 1, levels 2 & 3 were seats for diners and level 4 was a toilet. We indulged in some major-chocolate-overloaded beverage (YUM) and spent our hour sitting within, enjoying the cool air-conditioning with our amazingly-tasty choices.

Drawing, researching on what to draw and
look at the chocolate goodness

At the designated time, we met back with the family and headed to group-shot to select places (Adidas, Under Armour, Uniqlo, ....)
So, a funny thing happened at Uniqlo. It was a 3-storey building of Uniqlo, and I had K with me and we were browsing around. We were on L1 when I registered a sound calling my name.... I thought I was imagining it, but I wasn't. I headed to the middle of the stairway, and I looked up into the upper levels and saw my parents waving at me from above.


"We are stuck, we cannot go down!" said the mother.
?!?!?!?!


Turns out, they had taken the escalators up and up, not realizing that the top level was not Uniqlo. It was a level of restaurants which were not open. There was only an escalator leading up and none coming down. So, they were stuck.


I quickly asked help from a staff and - no need for panic- the parents made their way down eventually. After this point, we headed to different places. The sister, her busband and the parents went walking about and ended up at Muji. My family headed to H&M to get clothes for the children.


The boy needed to poop so the husband brought him to locate a loo. The girl and I continued shopping.

Someone very happy with her new cap

As the boy had the runs the day before, I was worried that he was unwell. Turns out that not only was the boy fine, this need to search for a toilet turned out to be a blessing. In this place which had the loo, we also found the Michelin-Star cup noodles which was something we had been hunting for our whole trip in Japan! -cues amazing applause-

Husband and his proud ah-ha moment

Winner winner cup-noodle-winner!

Noodle mules as we made our way to MUJI to look for the rest

The Muji café was quite nice. The whole building was full of Muji stuff from clothes to furniture to café; and I kinda wish I had more time to stroll within. All 4-storeys of Muji! I was kinda tired though, so was happy to just sit down at the café and chill. After raving about how we finally found the noodles, just in time too as we fly out the next day, we decided that maybe, what we had bought was not enough. Just 4 cartons?! So the husband made a decision to go back and get more. I accompanied him and this is when I had my second encounter with instant noodles - the first being here as I nearly killed someone with flying cup noodles).

Not my best moment.... photo credit: the cruel husband

Besides being shamed, I was not hurt otherwise - ha! We then made our way back to the hotel to drop our cartons before heading out for dinner. Just as we were leaving the café, we had a mini episode where we nearly lost the boy. After some mild moments of near-panic, we were reunited and everyone was safe again. Phew! (The sister wrote an account here.)


We ran through the list of things we had eaten and decided that it was time to have some BBQ beef. Not before we (1) continued to add to our beer tally (2) made a decision to go to Isetan (because in Japan) and (3) we were not that hungry yet anyway as we had a bite at the Muji café.

The B caught in action chugging down beer. TSK.

The men figuring out navigation

The rest, just... hanging (our value-add was keeping the kids
distracted so they did not destroy the men hard at work)



SHINJUKU TRAIN STATION (that's what it reads in the light glare area)

We made it to Isetan (yay) but it was closing in 30 minutes (boo). We split up to make moving about more convenient, and so the parents went off in one direction... and turns out the sister and her busband were telepathic with us as we met each other a very short while later at the food area. HAHA #eatingourwaythrough indeed.


I know it was pre-dinner, but it was just so glorious to be able to walk around and eat as happily as can be. We had donuts, some tasters and the sister was so sweet she was already in the Q to buy a strawberry shortcake as I wanted to go get one to fulfill that craving!

Mmmmm.

We ate a lot more snacks, and we discovered that we were not allowed to eat in the food zone (go figure). We met up with the parents and then headed out to the streets to locate our dinner. We ended up walking up and down a bit because we had no plan, but the final destination turned out to be ok, we had beef and bbq and beers and we all walked out smelling like our dinner.


We took the train back to the hotel and started the task of needing to pack - groans. That did not stop us from our nightly gathering (without the sister who was sick) where the B briefed us on the next day's plan.

My view from the bed.

Fruits of our labour - tasting the Michelin-noodles!

It has been such an amazing week and I was quite tired by this time. I think we really maximized our days fully from day to night to late-night as we conducted our own parties. We also steadily kept to our beer count and made really good progress!


As I attempted to pack a bit that night, I definitely felt happy and very full - in my tummy and heart #happyfamilyinjapan

#babysisterturnsadult

My earliest recollection of you was when you were a baby. A teeny one whom I loved to smother, because who doesn't love the small of baby youth? You were so adorable and it was like I had a mini toy that moved, batteries not included. 


Then we all grew up and I became a selfish teen. No one has time for baby sisters when we have liftepriorities like... well, you know, superficial stuff #truth I recall you trailing the brother mostly, as you became his sidekick and even though you were my responsibility as I had to chaperone you to go to school together, I have little memories of those days except of you reminding me / claiming that I was a bully (it is called training you to buy your own food please).
Fast-forward to me being a grown-up (well, 20s was a big deal when you have never been in your 20s before) and it still seemed that you were little. Even my friends who were close also always remembered I had a little sister. 


That little sister dished out sagely advice to me as I struggled through a rough patch in my life. How did those wise words come from this little youngling? I was then 24, she was 17. We then led close but separate lives as I continued to find myself in my life, and unknowingly, she found herself too. The years apart seemed very short as I think back now, but she established friends, found her faith and blossomed into a young lady.


When I got married at 28, she seemed still so little - the pictures prove this as she looked still like a big-little girl. When the sister graduated from uni, she came home and that coincided with the birth of our first grandchild in our home. Then started the beginning of how we truly became friends, I think. As much as we were at different phases of our lives, we started reconnecting as adults because (1) we were both in Singapore (2) we started doing more things together as a family unit (3) we get along like two peas in a pod (4) we started (over the years) to travel together (5) despite not living together, our undeniable sister-bond was real.


And, like they say, the rest is history.


I will never ever change anything in the world for our family, and I am thankful that I have a fellow sister who can help me pull this family together through our greedy shenanigans, our siblings-together-ings, and I always have someone watching my back and be there to laugh at/with me at anything/everything in this world.


Happy birthday sister, I love you.

The sister turns 30

Day 6 highlight: Mario-kart!

After taking it easy on transit-to-Tokyo day, we decided to take it easy on breakfast this morning. We agreed on a time to meet; but decided to spend the morning free-and-easy. I knew I needed coffee, so after the recce from the day before, I knew where to go. I headed straight for it, while the children settled their breakfast with breads and their choice of food from the supermarket run the evening before. Right on time, we met at the lobby and off we went!


We had an exciting plan for this morning; i.e. to drive around the streets of Tokyo. The sister was very hyped about this and it was pretty much the only big thing we had planned (besides her own omakase dinner). We took the trains and found our way pretty fine. It was a drizzly morning which was a bit troublesome, but like a good auntie-in-training, out came my umbrella and the kids' windbreakers with hoodie!

Spot the boy with hood, the man who didn't care and... the mother.

It was a short stroll to the shop and along the way, we first passed some huge shopping buildings, then little low shop houses.. and it was a cutest thing to see babies-in-carts.

Babies-not-for-sale!

Finally, after walking (I'm sure it wasn't veryyy far but it did feel a bit.... cos so lazy) and turning a corner and being so thankful we have GPS, we found the shop! It was quite a nothing-much-to-look-at-kinda-door. The only hint of it being a kart-shop was that there were some parked at the front, and we heard a batch of 2 karts zooming off just as we were approaching it. Other than that, it looked... normal.

We entered and it just looked like a shop with a ton of clothes hanging around. That, was the cherry on top of the cake - costumes! While waiting for the admin to be done (payment, checking of licence...) we got started to pick our costumes.

Little Jedi. OK, not really. Buzz Lightyear!
(It was totally his first choice because at Disney, he picked a toy and it was a
Buzz Lightyear gun! He's holding it in the pic)

Yee-haw! Says the cowgirl (friend in Toy Story)

Then the boy changed his mind and settled on this

SUPERMAN!

When the sister was sharing this game with us, she cheekily suggested that the husband be a cake (as seen on social media). He gamely said 'ok' and that was that. Then some weeks later, we saw that F1 driver Jensen Button had visited and he put on a princess dress; so we said "if it's good enough for Jensen..." So truly, while the sister and I were totally clueless what we wanted to dress as; the boys were ready! Unfortunately, the cake suit was not available so the husband picked another outfit that looked just as pretty. It tickled so bad as the men were such good sports - applause -

The princess and her pet dino

Double-headed chipmunk w Superboy-mushroom

Our adorable family of weirdos

Our little family mish-mash of animals, weeds, humans and superheros

The adults who converted our licence to an international licence were able to drive the karts. The grandparents and children followed behind us in a tuk-tuk.

Happy mushroom

After a short briefing of how to operate our karts, we were ready to set off! We had to walk a short way to our vehicles...

No award for being lady/princess-like!

And this is how you curtsey beside your kart

Team tuk-tuk

Look at his open legs - guffaw -

A close-up, if you wish

Though there was a briefing, it still felt rather scary driving on the roads. The sound of the karts was loud, the fumes were pretty awful (it was a major downside!); we looked ridiculous and in retrospect, it was pretty dangerous as we were really driving on the roads in Tokyo, with no helmets, no part of a car to shield us, no seat belts.... just our international driving licence - inserts stunned face -


Thankfully, it was an accident-free drive. Ok, so I ran a red light (I thought we could go!); the sister skidded on the wet roads (do not jam brake!) and also thought she was playing bumper cars (as she kissed the back of her busband's kart).... everyone remained unscathed. Phew! We ended up driving for a total of 3 hours! There was a break in between, which added to the fun and hilarity of our drive.

Parked.

Mr Minnie Princess had to pee

Dino takes drink-shopping seriously

Batman-Mario having a laugh

Little munchkins fuelling up

We were such a sight! People on the streets snapped pictures of us, we waved as we swung by, trying to look valiant in our silly costumes; someone even wound down his window to have a tiny chat with the dino - oh boy.

Look Ma, I'm driving on the roads in a chipmunk suit!

All good things must come to an end, so at the end of the drive, we parked and heaved a huge relief that we made it. It took me a while to get into driving and managed to feel more secure with the steering and the pedal. What. An. Experience!

One for the road. The stepsisters

I need to say that we were very fortunate the weather was cool. It was drizzly and wet (added to the excitement) but what made it all amazing was how cool the weather was. Our costumes were made totally fun because the temperature was kind. If it had been a regular summer's day in Tokyo, we would have been so uncomfortable in our costumers! We were very lucky. It was also a good decision we made to pick the 11am slot. By the time we returned to the shop, it was packed with tourists and another round of drivers; but it just felt so uncomfortable and squeezy; whereas in the morning, it was just mostly us and we had the luxury of space and no-stress selection of costumes; so hoorah!


After undressing ourselves, we returned their stuff, gathered out stuff and left. We re-traced our way back towards the main station. The husband had a  need to eat yakitori so off we went in search of a place... but after attempting to find the place and then finding it; the experience was not perfect as the restaurant only served yakitori in the evening, not daytime!


Thus, while we got to feed ourselves, we did not get to eat what we endeavoured to. Regardless, everyone was pretty tired after the morning's shenanigans and we decided to take it easy. The sister and her busband and a private dinner that evening, so they headed off. Together with my parents, we headed to the city and browsed about. In the end, we did not buy much - instead, we stopped at a café for a snack (we had ice-cream, strawberry shortcake and an apple pie) and pretty much to rest our feet; before window shopping again.


It was just pre-dinner that we had an incident. It was just after we had bought some clothes for the kids that the boy said he had to poop. The poop turned out to be bad diarrhea and we spent some time waiting for him to be done and cleaned up. Euw.

Clothes change and a photo opp with the policeman

Thankfully, he seemed ok and we managed to adjourn to dinner nearby. The husband searched for yakitori (yup, we do not give up) and located a whole street of bbq stalls. We headed into a store and it was a very cosy affair of many people squeezing into a tiny table in a tiny room.

Dinner

The toilets at these streets were gross. It was kinda open concept and squat and I (do not) thank my daughter for needing to pee at this moment (why couldn't we have gone when we were in the shopping malls?!) to have introduced us to this fact. It was also here that we uncovered (with a shock) that there was a cover charge' to restaurants; that they imposed a fee for each person that took up a seat within. Boo.

Yakitori Street (I made this up)

After dinner, we strolled about the streets and found our way back to the train station to commute back to the hotel.

No more tummyache hooray!

The sister and busband were still at dinner by the time we got back, but they did join us in our room for a bit. That night, we had their atas chicken rice with nuts amidst our beers and night-time snacks.


The end.


Read more here: Day 1, day 2, day 3, day 4, day 5.