Reflections, quarter one, two oh one nine

Last December, I wondered why I only did reflections end of the year. If it felt fulfilling to rewind the moments (of course the good was better but the bad also made the good better), why did I not just do more of it? So, I set monthly reminders - last Saturday of each month, recurring reminders from January to December.


Have I succeeded? Well, the below was a draft I started in January 2019. I did not get around to really sitting down my ass to truly think, and my feeble attempt was to jot down the loose thoughts I had.


January 2019.


1. I shall spend money on experiences, not material things.
2. I shall spend more time with my family - collectively as awesome-foursome; but also individually (alone with the husband and daughter and son) to have quality time together.
3. Read books
4. Continue with consistent exercise - HIIT / yoga / running
5. Take up a course - I'm considering a yoga-certification, or a personal trainer certification course
6. Save money


===========================================================


I remember thinking that it was just not good enough. I did not have enough real thoughts, that it felt lame to just toss those out as they were just a list of my resolutions.


Today is the last day of March. I realise that perfect can be over-rated. What is a perfect composition/post? Also, so much happens that the point of me reminding myself to reflect regularly is to just capture all that had happened; so it is not necessary for drama. I also think I did not bother enough to reflect. So, here goes... I'll start with my list.


Spending on experiences, not material things.
I think I did fine on this. Truth be told, I did spend on some things. I got some new underwear, and skincare for myself, I also bought clothes for the children. I also have purchased groceries relentlessly - woe be to (too much) convenience of online shopping. I have browsed, ala 'window shopping' online, but never tempted to add to cart or check out. So good job, well done to me.


The husband and I also went for a concert together. It was a pretty understated singer, known to the xin yao folks in the 1990s; and it was enjoyable enough. We then had a bonus night of supper, which has also led us to more adventures of new supper spots in our hood. I hope we continue to do this - again, experience plus time together, win!


Time with family.
I never stopped doing this, but can I do more? Of course.
Our family rolled into a new routine for Saturdays as the husband and I split duties per child to take on activities with them - rugby (new thing) for the boy, homework revision (constant old) with the girl. We paid to watch our first rugby match as a family due to this new interest of the son's, and we will be going for more.
We continue our family meals when we can and Friday evenings with the family is truly the best way to launch into the weekend.
The relationship with the girl can be better, as we seem to spend (too much) time discussing and fighting over work. The boy is adapting well into primary school and is pretty much a breeze to handle around academics.
The husband and I have a pretty clockwork system of taking a child to school each on most days and it is working out well.


I have not done time alone too much with the children, and the movie tickets are still in the house somewhere, unused. Gotta use them soon!


Reading and exercising
The former is going a bit slow, the latter is going well. I have read some books, but lost the reading zest as I couldn't find more palatable books to consume. I'm currently re-reading a book from Jodi Picoult which I have read before; but because it is kinda moody and super touching to the core; it suits my pensive mood and so I am on it. May I constantly find good reads and have the luck to get sucked into the world of whatever it is.


Just took my stats at the gym 2 days back and it read pretty much 95% the same as end Jan, so I guess I'm doing well. I still get my cravings (which usually results in cravings 1 - self-discipline 0). The husband lamented that I was very skinny, and so I guess it is mostly my mind playing tricks than actually how much I look, so I shall not complain and be thankful that I have a healthy and fit body to keep active.


Take up a course / saving
I was considering a Personal Trainer course - I went as far as to write in to enquire about a course; spoke to a girlfriend about it but it has come to nothing. I cannot commit to it.
I also considered a yoga certification, and went as far as to a yoga clinic which talked me through the course, schedule... my take-away was that I think that school is not bad and I quite liked the yoga teacher, but again, I cannot commit.


A part of it all was money (which I wanted to save) but truth is I think it is just not a priority enough for me. It all takes time away from my family and I think I am ok to drop this thought this year. My want to be with the family is greater than the need for my certification; so I will park this guilt-free. I shall continue to keep active so that I can still find my happiness in sweating out on my own, or with the trustworthy apps/sites that has been keeping me in good company.


Saving up - I am trying, and I am also spending. We are parking aside good money for our travel plans this year, so I am willingly putting it aside. One clear area of improvement is in the grocery department, so I'll see how I manage that better.


There. Nothing too hard, nothing too exciting, and I've done a quick check against how I am achieving and it has been not too bad at all.


Now, for the hard, gritty part.


Three weeks ago, I celebrated my birthday. It started with meals with colleagues & family, a much-desired massage that helped with my stiff neck & shoulders, flowers, beach time and dinner with my closest, day with the kids and I collected pictures which I wanted to post and commemorate me turning 39. That day turned out to be truly memorable, in a very unexpected way.
I believe 18 March will always hold a different for me hereon.


The days that followed were dark and sad, and I was in a space that I had nearly forgotten of. Years ago, the macabre and dramatic June dwelled in that space pretty often (unhealthily so) and I was thrown back into those days of darkness. My sense of self-worth was very low, and I only managed to get through the days because I much preferred to pretend that all was well, and because the kids were priority. Having to support and take them through their days like clockwork made it helpful to move along; but I was in a very bad space.


The husband and I had a hard talk some days later and it has now been 3 weeks. Things are better, way better but I definitely learnt some good lessons.

• I learnt that my priorities are my husband and children and there is no need to test this in any form.
• I learnt that I can be such an idiot because I am so dumb sometimes and that hurt. It hurts a lot but I am willing to suck it up because my top priorities are important enough for me to face my ugly.
• I learnt that when I say that I am 'sad', it is probably real in some form but in the real deal when I was truly sad for those long-short-painful days, facing possible loss was the real deal; something that I am glad I have fleetingly experienced but not needed to dwell more on.
• I learnt that respect is under-rated and I can show it more to those who I truly respect.
• I learnt that love can be enough sometimes, just enough to get by.

I am in a good space today and I am so thankful for so much.

2019

A whole year (& a bit more) has passed since my last entry.


I have an incomplete draft on one of my biggest athlete achievements from December 2017; and 2018 had been pretty eventful.... including

• Surviving Primary 3 (shaky and challenging)
• Graduating from Kindergarten
• Husband's national achievement during National Day
• Getting promoted
• Moving into our new home
• Blessed with two babies into our family

These are on top of the easily-taken-for-granted-things like family, eating meals, exercising, little laughs.... all very important too.


I didn't intend to write. I haven't visited my blog for months and I have been spending too much time browsing social media for no reason at all. A random occurrence two days back had the sister ask, "why are you blogging?" (when I wasn't); but maybe that's how things are meant to be.. they happen for one tiny reason and was seeded in my brain and seemingly, as if for no specific reason, I set at this table and opened up my blog and decided that why not, pen something, a start for 2019.


So, a few resolutions (I say that with hesitation because I view it more as, continuous improvement; or things that always matter than a 'new start' per se):


1. I shall spend money on experiences, not material things.
2. I shall spend more time with my family - collectively as awesome-foursome; but also individually (alone with the husband and daughter and son) to have quality time together.
3. Read books
4. Continue with consistent exercise - HIIT / yoga / running
5. Take up a course - I'm considering a yoga-certification, or a personal trainer certification course
6. Save money


Nothing revolutionary (except, maybe for the certification); and they are pretty similar to what I set out to do year on year.


It's all about the positive mindset we set off with to achieve. Let's go, 2019.

YOLO - my 4th half marathon & my practise run

Running a marathon was one on the bucket list; it was kinda an idea that snuck around in my brain since my past halfs - my first in 2013, my first night-run but 2nd half in 2014, and my 3rd where I ran because it was paid for (cheap, but true!). Through time, my impetus to run faded slowly but surely as
I discovered yoga and HIIT. If I can keep fit and in good shape in different ways, why not? Why do I need to sign up for runs? Thus, the bucket list item of running a marathon disappeared.
So, I kinda gave up on signing up for runs. Until my not-sure-it's-most-brilliant-brilliant moment when I got sick and tired of muddling about (just about this point when I sure felt muddled)... and I signed myself up for a marathon.
-insert shocked face-
So, it started. My training. I started trying to do longer runs; and after months, I can comfortably hit 10km. I scheduled in more paid runs including the Asics one, to help clock distance. This YOLO, was one that came about quite serendipitously and thank goodness I ran it because it was my first long run and it hurt.

Waking up at an unearthly hour.

Creeping about the kitchen to feed myself

Reading material - I was trying to take note of drinking stations

I was meant to do the run with the husband, but he didn't make it (overseas travel), so I went all by myself. Yup. At the last minute, just as I was stepping out of the house, I remembered to tape my toes (preventing blisters through friction) - not that it really helped, so that's one lesson I learnt.


I drove myself to the Singapore Flyer carpark, very close to the start/finish line. Best decision ever - and honestly, while the area was slowly swarming with people, and there was some traffic, it's generally a really quiet and smooth drive.


Upon arrival, I headed to the loo. I held nothing at all except for things I needed during my run. Then I headed to the start pen.

As far as I could worm forward

The start was delayed and here, I'm going to bullet note my run progress:

• Drinking water (3 big gulps) and not starting the run caused me to need to pee. Flag off was delayed (logistics error, boo to organisers) and everyone stood waiting around for 50 minutes. My wait was probably about 35 minutes as I only entered the start pen past 5am.
• At the 2km mark, I made a toilet stop.
• At the 11km mark, I saw a professional runner on his way back. How mad quick was that!
• My right hip muscle started to twitch and ache past the 10km mark and it escalated.
• In sync with my plan and hydration station, I consumed my first-ever gel. It was orange flavoured and not awful.
• The plasters did not help my toes.
• I walked at several points in the race because I was just not feeling it.
• I felt energetic with the gels, but I felt heavy and could not push myself more.
• I started to walk but enjoy the walking; not worth stressing as I was not gunning for any time at all.
• It was a relatively cool morning and I am thankful for that.
• At the 16km mark, I had to stop at a hydration point to stretch. The ache in my hip was increasingly uncomfortable/painful.
• When the mind is weak, the going is near impossible.
• I was in pain towards the end because my toes were squishy and rubbing hard against each other (the tape!)
• I managed to jog the final 2km because I wanted to finish the race.

ZOMG so long.

Shot with the girls who did 10km, except that the silly organisers
shortened the run to 7km without informing any runners.

I was totally aching when I met with the girls. My hip ache was screaming for me to do something about it (it was one of those pains where I couldn't resolve just by stretching) and my legs super achey that I nearly-cramped on a few occasions as I was walking - ouch. I made it to the car safely and spent a good 45minutes stretching the sh*t out of my legs because oh-so-painful.

arghhh the pain, and arghhh I did it!

Lesson to self: don't only tape random toes. I had a giant blister on my
3rd toe (right foot) and I had to self-operate it thrice.

Hooray at least NIKE applauds my achievement

Truly, the run was an awakening for me. It was necessary because I had not done any long runs prior to this and it gave me a taste of how much pain I would be for the real run. It also taught me that the gel that I ate helped me. While I could have been mentally stronger and ran more, the gel surely helped in my energy levels not crashing; and I actually felt better than I expected.

Still running - last 2km

Serious face

I learnt a few key lessons and here are my parting thoughts:

• Not pressuring myself to perform helped me just cruise along
• Consuming the gel made me more aware of my body and how it can help
• I held the small bottle of water throughout the run but I did not need to actually, so it's a decision I have to make if I want to hold something for the full run
• Aching legs are surely a pain and this made me realise that the pain will go away.
• Just keep going.

A good overall experience to add to my training, gahhh!

ASICS Relay 2017 - 2nd year running, a new PB

Colleagues rallied to sign up for this ASICS relay again this year, as it was a pretty fun event last year. I signed up gamely, because I am meant to clock mileage (gasp) and this year, I ran with a different team.


With the experience from last year, I was more prepared with my diet through the day. In the morning, I had my usual breakfast then headed out for a short volunteer stint. By the time it was over and I met up with the family, it was time to go for lunch by the time we headed out.


We ran an errand of picking up the race pack for YOLO, had this pretty nice ramen (Nagi), and I bade farewell to the family as they headed home to rest pre-class; while I had the afternoon to myself. Knowing that I had the run, I devoured all my carbs from the ramen bowl, which I know would come in handy (carbo loading FTW).


I was truly tired, and I decided to head to a safe haven to rest - my office. It didn't make sense for me to go all the way home, as my race was nearer to where I already was; plus I was well-equipped with all that I needed; and so that's where I spent my afternoon. I was so tired that after arranging some seats for best-possible comfort, I fell asleep. I needed the nap and it actually felt pretty restful! I took my time to get ready for the run and at 4+, I made my way. It was just a few train stops away.

Race village sighted

It was such a crowd! We had a rough meeting spot and by the stipulated meeting time (530pm), not everyone had rocked up, so this was the group that made it into this first shot.



The earlier ones

D, C and I were first runners so we left our stuff with the rest and headed to the start pen. Flag off was at 6pm.

Start pen

And.... off we went! I was kinda pumped (slightly) because after running sub-60 last year, I was kinda hoping to do it again. I was also trying out running in a face with my new race belt (Fitbelt) and newer set of shoes.
Happy to share that I did it! According to my Nike app..

Fastest 10km recorded - woot!

To be honest, there's may be some untruth to this because
1. I did stop to have water on several occasions
2. I did walk on some occasions - 2 were due to slopes and fatigue, 1 major stretch was due to a human roadblock in a bottleneck area of the race.
3. I had to jog slowly on 1 occasion where I nearly came to a stop clarifying the race information with the marshals - it was not clear which item was meant to be passed on to my next relay runner
The app stops if I come to a standstill which doesn't take into account the true run wholly, but given that I did put in decent effort to run when I was running, I'm quite happy with my performance. The weather was lovely, sunset was a quick descent due to the pending rain and I got caught in it the last 1km, so I'm quite lucky. The rest of my team (esp runner #2) got more of it, so I can't complain.

Helpful colleague who prepared all these - our personal food/hydration point

Here's one of all of us runner #1 post-race

Running log has been sporadic, but I do have this record from last December. It's been a love-hate r'ship with running these past few months, primarily because of my training (inserts weh weh face); but it all adds up to my personal strength and experience. So, all good!

Race village - pretty lit

Another run, another record, another lesson to self. Checked!

Achievement unlocked - PB for 5km!

In September 2016, I did my last registered race as a last-minute filler for someone who dropped out. It turned out to be a pretty fun and engaging day where both the kids and I got to play in different forms. That day also turned out to be a day I smashed my Personal Best (PB) to run 10km within 60minutes.
Since then, I've still been running on/off as part of my regular fitness journey, and I have actually achieved some interesting statistics successfully, on the treadmill:
2.4km within 13minutes
5km within 30minutes (29+)
10km within 60minutes (59+)
Last Saturday (19 Aug), I turned up for yet another race that I did not sign up for. Seems like I'm becoming a filler! Haha.


What happened was, 2 days before Saturday, a colleague asked if I could help fill a spot for a 5km run. The full race was a half marathon of 21.1km, and it's run ekiden style between 4 runners like a relay. I was a bit uncertain initially because I was lazy, but given that I was free, I just said yes in the end.
I'm glad I did because this bunch of Filipinos were raising funds and awareness for a good cause - special needs for Filipino children. Since I run anyway, it was really easy for me to help them out.


Come Saturday race day, I indulged in carbs and food (ok, also because greedy haha) and after bidding the kids goodbye as they were sent to class, I continued to make my way to the race track. It was so sunny (ugh) but I had to do what I had to do. I actually made it earlier than expected and managed to join in a group picture before official flag-off.

With some of the fellow runners

After not being in an official run for a while, it did feel rather exciting to be in the fanfare. I was gifted the purple UA tee for my participation so I guess that's a mini score. Hah! I was runner 2, and I am glad I made it early enough to identify 2 complete strangers (runner 1) to get the sash from and (runner 3) to pass the sash to. It felt pretty exciting to be part of a race and perhaps it may be more fun if it had been with friends.
I remained focused on completing the race and fulfilling my part... and hoorah! I surpassed my own expectations of setting my personal best record!

5km in 25.3!

I completed the whole race in about 32minutes, including walking after I'd done my sash handover, but from the above which I tracked with my run app, I am pretty chuffed with my timing. I struggled with a stitch for 2 km, from the 2-4km mark (ugh) but I pushed on. My overall average pace for the run was about 5'40".
After cooling down for a bit, I bade farewell to this bunch of people and headed to the office nearby for a shower. I was feeling so pumped that I stopped and requested for a stranger to take a pic for me.

Yay!

What are my priorities?

I have been pretty reflective lately. Possibly for a while now. Why? I'm not sure. Perhaps it is the 'time of the month' (though having said that, it's been monthsssss); perhaps it's the big changes we're going through which impacts our lifestyle, our finances, our life expectations, our ambitions, our children... everything is inter-related and I guess with things rolling about, I'm getting mildly terrified of it rolling out of control.


That's one perspective.


The other, is that things are extremely exciting and there is so much to look forward to; because change - while unsettling - can also be viewed as terribly amazing!


I guess I toggle between the two, depending on my mood. I still feel this gap within sometimes, wondering what it is that makes me feel so unsettled.  I then turn to emotional eating which, while it's a guilty pleasure, it is not necessary; especially if done excessively.


I wonder, what drives me? What makes me happy? Perhaps, it need not be so tough. Perhaps I should just focus on what my true priorities are (I say true, because it's not 'seemingly' important priorities that garner short-term gratification which can blindside me. But truly important ones that fulfills) - and just focus on those that make me happy.


If I remember right, I had this same resolution (or something along the same lines) for 2 years: Don't sweat the small stuff. I don't think I have been practising that.


Oh, my mind is so full of such random thoughts. I need to simplify and focus on my true priorities.


For starters, I know who really matters.

My everything

That's a good start point, an anchor that cannot go wrong, because family is always the right/best choice.


Guess I'll keep muddling along, and figure it out. One day at a time.

Yoga progress

On my recent holiday to Korea, I did a headstand in the Bukhansan National Park. Before that, I did it at Halong Bay, Vietnam. It struck me that it's been a year since I successfully attempted the tripod headstand unsupported. It was a milestone for me then, but since, because I haven't put in additional effort to practise, my yoga progress has been.. naught. It's true, that what you reap is what you sow; cos when you don't, there is nothing to account for.


This morning, I did not manage a long run due to the storm, and instead, did my usual ashtanga practice (standing series). I have been doing this for 2+ years now, and have made no progress. At the end of that practice, I decided to try a headstand. I had tried it once before and felt it was super hard and today was no exception.



This looks deceivingly simple.

Faith in my trusty walls

That one second that I managed to stay up.

I enjoy yoga, as it gives me a chance to stretch yet sweat it out slightly. I like yoga for the benefits my body reaps from it. I also like the challenge that seemingly simple poses are actually not; not at all! I also like to know that as with any other sport, progress can be tracked by how I do it and/or how I improve for many different poses.


Since my last yoga progress post, I haven't been doing that much at all. So it's a good reminder to self to keep going. Let this be a new challenge to myself, that I wish to continue to practise; not that I needed a reason to, but it's always nice to have a check to track how it's going.


Onwards, we surge on this #fitnessjourney!

Mid-year mark

Hello June. In a blink of an eye, a whole week has passed and we are well into June.
How has half a year gone by, just like that?


The past 2-3 weeks have been hectic. We have been house-hunting, juggling work and home, keeping the children occupied (because school holidays), making arrangements for work so there is some work and more play, and generally, there's much tension. Perhaps it's in my head, but there is just so much going on.


A perk of school holidays = sleeping in, but the downside of that is also that I don't get in as much activity. It drops greatly from 5-7x a week, to half that. I think that also affects my sanity and well-being. So, a gentle reminder to myself that life is great, I can always just exercise whenever - it's a lifestyle not a pressure - and work is work and no one is going to die.


BREATHE.

6+pm last Sunday. Sun out in full force.

That Sunday evening, I sought refuge in sweating it out in the hot, hot sun and feeling some sense of familiarity as I revisited an old running route.

Life.

In a week's time, the husband and I will be on our couple holiday of this year. I. Cannot. Wait.


Until then... I'm hanging on.

May Day long weekend

Friday: started off before sunset with Happy Hour with the colleagues! The husband joined for a drink (or 2) and we headed to have dinner together. Nothing fancy, just at a hawker but the point is that we spent together-time. Burp. The little girl went for a stayover with her grandma so that night, the boy slept with us. This was also the day we tore out the carpet in our master bedroom.


It's the first major affair we did to our house after we moved in; and may I add that we also (finally) serviced our air-cons for the first time. Ha!


Saturday: turned out to be pretty routine with classes for the boy, lunch with his friends whom we bumped into coincidentally. We then headed home for a much-needed nap and headed to pick up the girl and have dinner with altogether too.


Sunday: the kids went to play with the grandparents and the husband and I went for brunch! We headed to Pacamara, this lovely café we chanced upon (that first time) and it did not disappoint again this time. I love the happy, white, bright feel of the open bar; and the food was pretty tasty.

Us.

We picked the kids up and did a pit-stop to a sports sale where the husband and I picked up some winter and sports wear. The boy went for drum class while the girl and I finished off some loose bits of work from school. The husband displayed his cooking skills with this tasty, somewhat healthy salmon head that had the right amount of spice.

Yum.

After the classes and work were completed, we packed up and headed to the beach! It's been a while since we did this and I was so looking forward. The skies looked slightly ominous but thankfully stayed light enough for us to continue. Cloudy skies work just fine for us! The husband and I took turns to swim and though we did not have much time to chill together, it was still a nice time out. I totally enjoyed the swim (strong currents, so tough!) and the run felt pretty easy (fuelling  up gives me strength!)

Endorphin-hit.

Monkeys.

We headed for dinner at RWS and it was quite a simple one - picked from avail of seats at 8pm. The last exciting fun bit of the evening was totally by chance - while walking to the carpark! It was a series of deco/set-up as part of the draw to the Trick-Eye Museum, and we had a tiny blast playing around.

Selfie with this strange lady

Whurt.

Monday, also known as YAY BONUS BREAK DAY!
We headed to the club and I'm happy that the husband got to cycle; and while he swam with the kids for fun/lessons, I headed to the gym for a light workout. It felt necessary to stretch after the brutal swim from yesterday.

My loves

Post-workout, we headed to mom's for lunch and a short hangout. Then everyone took a luxurious nap. Zzz. The evening ended with simple dinner fare with mom and then bonus!

LIULIAN!

I was stuffed but it was super tasty. The husband brought the kids out for a bit on an errand and I spent the evening unwinding by myself, with face mask treatments and reading. I started on this book that encourages 'thinking correctly' - an interesting concept. I very seldom (never) read self-help/documentary-type of books; as I find them too stimulating and I don't fancy it. I much prefer frivolous storylines like shopperholics, novels or thrillers (my preferences for movies and books are alike!) But this book was picked up sometime last year when I was feeling moody; and it's been lying around. I quite liked how I picked it up and just started to absorb it, and maybe this will open up my mind to different things. No pressure, just read - all part of life and learning.


That pretty much ended the whole weekend and it was an amazing time. I feel recharged; my body is fuelled with food and exercise, my mind and heart full with time with the family.


Hope you had a lovely long weekend too. Yay!

Seeing red

... In a good way!


Last week, there was a blood donation drive at my office building. I have never done it before and I am so glad I went for it. My previous attempt to do so failed, as I failed the haemoglobin test. This time, I cleared everything and donated blood for the first time!

Pump. pump. pump.

View while lying down.

It's such a simple activity and while I don't know the stats of why it's good and how beneficial it is for others, I do think it's something that is worthwhile and being able-bodied is something that we should not take for granted.


Oddly, this was the same day I bled differently. First, my 2nd finger on the right hand was poked for the haemoglobin test. Then my veins on the right arm underwent the needle for blood draw. That same night, my 3rd finger on the same arm bled as I picked up a piece of glass unknowingly and dripped blood on my shirt. !!!


It was a good experience and I felt happy that I could contribute!

Yoga progress

So, I started being mindful about the way I hold the bottom half (the top half in pic, ha!) of my body when doing a headstand and it's helped in how much straighter I can be. The core is more held in and all it took was for me to clench the butt cheeks, squeeze my thighs together, and pointing my toes upwards.


I have been mindful of these and am happy to see progress in how straight I can be. There is still strain on my shoulders in tripod though, so probably still (1) not strong enough or (2) not doing it properly still.


I have also been trying out a different type of headstand - what is the term I don't know, but I support with my palms. Happy to say, that it's pretty good too!

(L) my first ever type of headstand vs (R) the new one I'm trying

It is so rewarding to try and achieve! I'm still wobbly and it's so true when there are good / bad days. Any progress is good stuff though, so hooray!


Last progress entry here.

Being 36.. for one last day

I guess it's timely that my birthday falls about the end of the first quarter of the year, and a good time for me to take stock of how the year has been going. Truly, it's been a great start to 2017. I'm loving it!


Work
As much as we say work is 'merely' work, I have allowed it to interfere with my life/state so much before that I was utterly miserable when it wasn't going well. Thankfully, I have emerged from that foggy period stronger, and more confident to tackle new challenges. Work has settled into a busy but manageable pace now, and I am trying to keep a balance on workload/stress and keeping my mind open to feedback, new ideas and learnings.


Emotional state
This painful episode triggered by work has brought to my attention the power of network support from family and friends, as well as signs and symptoms for me to take note of so that I can manage the downward spiral. I am an emotional creature and it is very dangerous to wallow in it. Through the years, I have learnt to better manage my emotions (sometimes) but it's shocking how I felt when I was down. I felt utterly gutted and the intensity of that low shocked me. I'm also learning to take things more easily too.
Kids making a mess? Pack it up, no sweat.
Things not on schedule? Take a deep breath and keep going.
My plans are not on track? Be flexible and get on with the flow.
Why am I doing (insert matter)? Understanding/reminding myself of the value of what I am doing puts things into perspective.


Of course, not everything is a bed of roses nor plain-sailing.
Do I still lose it with the kids over petty matters? Yes.
Do I get frustrated and yell? Yes.
Can I do better? Of course.


Knowing that things are not always 100% keeps it real, and knowing that I can keep going and do better always is key.


Giving thanks and appreciation
I have been pretty good/mindful at giving thanks. I am aware that I have plenty of good stuff in my life and I am thankful for them. A new thing I am trying to practise, is being appreciative. Appreciating that it takes effort for something to happen/someone to do something. Appreciating that it is the effort and not entirely the outcome that matters always. Appreciating the lovely skies we see, not taking that for granted. Appreciating the help we receive. The definition of giving thanks is similar to gratitude, but a slight difference in nuance is that we assess the true worth of the matter and in doing so, bring deeper awareness in merely giving 'thanks'.


Another key subject matter of being appreciative and thankful for, is my family. Recent events on the home-front has given an elevated reminder on mortality, relations and how important each and every member is, whether it is big occasions, or random meals; or just serendipity sightings... 


I will never wish to take the family for granted; and I am so thankful for each of their love and care.


Partnership
A big part of my life is the husband. He has been pretty busy and I hope I play the role of supporting him as a wife and mother to our children well. I am aware of how precious our relationship is, and how important it is to maintain it through communication.
Sounds simple? Not really. Being together takes work and I know that we are in this together. It's the little things that make up the big stuff and every little bit of action matters. Having a meal together on V-day no matter how it didn't go as planned. Celebrating Lunar New Year as a family unit with friends and loved ones. Getting sick from the children's bugs and working together to take care of them and nurse them to being healthy again. Having him annoy yet crack me up. Sharing common experiences to add on to our memory banks.


We celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary in a few week's time and I am still in love with this man.


Staying fit
Of course, my life is not complete without working out & I am happy to say that I have kept on track with this fitness journey. I lost it slightly the 2nd half of last year with holidays, slothy eating habits and a slight loss in motivation. With the signing up of the gym last December, I was able to insert freshness into my workout regimes; I have renewed my interest in using weights and machines and attend classes at the gym.


I still practise yoga. I still run. I try to keep active and involve the children. I feel as strong and fit as ever!


It's been a good start to the year and I look forward to more goodness. I turn 37 super soon and I know it'd all be fine. To end off (cannot stop being emo/ reminiscent!), here are some lovely, lovely flashbacks of the children thanks to FB memories. I have nearly forgotten how tiny the children once were...

2012 - dark and fair, grumpy and smiley

Mar 2012 - giggles, this cracks me up

2010 - my little fishball firstborn!

2012 - loving moments between these 2,before the squabbles...

2013 - cheeks.

So much to be thankful and happy about. So ready to celebrate my birthday for another year of life ahead. -inserts muscular emoji-

Progress

I can still go straighter, will keep practising!

200 runs

A friend started on a running journey early January. She tagged it #target200runs and seems to be on a mission to well, run 200 runs. I should clarify with her if there is a minimum distance to cover, or other conditions; but so far, several friends have joined in this fitness journey. I run anyway, and I figure there is no harm joining in. All I need to do is include the same #hashtag and number my runs as I accomplish them. I have been slacking in the running department, and this was the right motivation to get me started.

My first run in this #target200runs

So while I did some short runs (2.4km) early Jan, they were just warm-up types with no motivation to do more, this was just the right trigger to get me going. I still do my workouts, I still have my yoga stretches, I replaced some cardio with combat classes but running has taken a back-seat. 
So now, this is a boost for me to run when I feel lazy, and I simply number my runs as I accomplish them.

#target200runs (Current count: 2)

Happy days

On some days, we really play at work :)

Symbol of love and hope

I am loved.

Flying to another planet

Overheard, a conversation between J and the husband.


J: Papa, I am flying to Neptune
Husband: Oh, then where next?
J: Ok, maybe Mars...


They were whispering, as I was in the room and un-fun Mommy will scold if anyone is caught talking; but I heard enough to know that this was not the first time they had played this game before, and then sometime later, when I got up to use the loo, I peeped at the boy to see this:

Someone had fallen asleep mid-flight

I smiled and marvelled at how much he has grown, at his intelligent conversations and inquisitive nature. I can imagine him pretend flying... until he fell asleep with his arms still open mid-flight.


This morning, I had an adult conversation with my 7yo. I asked her what she does when she feels sad, and she tells me that she will play, or 'go to my room and take deep breaths' - that made me smile because I don't know if she actually does that, but I have definite dished out that piece of advice to her before. She hugged me when I asked her to and I know that I am loved. I do not need to be told.


What are the true gems in life? Do we need the downs and sadness so that the norm seems so much better? Perhaps a timely reminder to evaluate what is most important in our life; how much of our lives do we control, or allow others to impact?

Sundays with me

Last Sunday, I had half a day all to myself as I had a work activity to attend. It was an easy afternoon of play, and I had the whole evening to myself as the husband took the kids on the usual family meal.


As if the time to myself wasn't enough, I also indulged in a very tasty meal that I devoured wholly and heartily.

Katong Laksa - all for me

It has been a very long time since I ate laksa. When I was young, it was my favourite food and I loved the broth - I'd always slurp every single drop of it. I guess calories and age got in the way so I've not had this properly for a while (sharing is not as sinful, obviously).


On this evening, I was brought back to my childhood memories as I recalled how I'd have this with my parents... it was pretty nice.


All in all, very thankful for a peaceful, quiet evening all by myself. Love it!

Regaining my running mojo - about my exercise regime

With our new morning routine that started in July, my exercise regime has gone awry. My free window period that used to take place every morning (between 0545-0700) has changed. I realise that I crave routine and with the changes, it is slightly disconcerting.


The result of the consistent exercising every day from Jan - May this year, is that I became super toned, and also super thin. I had not realised that, until the regime broke and now that I am 3-4kg heavier.


What's new, is how I am exercising now. My options are:
1) Ending work early and going back for a workout.
While this has happened on a few occasions, where I fit in a run before dinner, the act of rushing home just to work out then rush the night routine (of putting the kids to sleep) - is sometimes daunting (also known as, I get lazy). It is also a challenge to slip out of home once I see the munchkins as they start talking to me etc etc...


2) Fitting in a workout before work
By the time I send K to school and come to the office, it is about 0745. I have tried to Kayla to finish the workout by 0830, in time to wash-up and be ready for work by 0900. In that same time, I can practise yoga.


3) Running to the office
This works brilliant as it combines me working out and making my way to work. It works best when I pre-plan my wardrobe and have an outfit to change into when at work, and it is great for days that I need to start my day earlier. The route is a nice, easy one cutting through Orchard Road and works great in the early hours of the morning.


4) Running home from the office
I have tried this on a handful of occasions from my previous offices, and yesterday, I did it for the first time from this premise. It felt pretty good honestly, and though my body is protesting slightly at the long run (been so slack), it is still an effective way in using my time, fitting in a workout and forcing me to go the distance.

11.9km

5) Exercising on the weekend
I try to work out at least once on the weekend, whether at home, out for a run, or at the gym. So far, so good - except that my routine on Saturday (my regular visits to the gym) is going to change soon. So let's see how that unfolds.


The husband made a comment recently that it is not only applicable to specific people who may be required to be fit in their role at work. Exercising regularly is a lifestyle and I believe that if we make some effort, it should be something that we do for ourselves - whatever your motivation is. It has been several years since I started my lifestyle of exercising regularly and it's amazing how much it impacts my daily life. I get grumpy when I don't exercise, I feel sluggish when I am not active. I feel not as happy with myself (and my body) even if there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. The benefits of exercising totally outweighs any reason to not exercise and I am glad that the husband is a constant motivation for me to keep active, not forgetting us wanting to play lead examples to the children.


I'm definitely in good spirits today after the run yesterday, and now if I can control my gluttony more... I can be even healthier than what I am right now :P