Little Miss Grown-Up

Some weeks ago, K decided that she wanted to shower by herself. This is a huge relief improvement from her throwing a spat when we ask her to shower. As she grows, I see more of K exercising her independence, wanting to do things on her own when she prefers. It warms my heart to see her develop so well, but I also know she's still a child when all she wants to do is snuggle and "I want to sleep with Mommy!" 

Little helpers

Kate, helping to clear the table after she's done with her breakfast. When she's in an agreeable mood, she'll help throw laundry into the laundry bin too.

Jake, who doesn't know how to do anything properly yet, but who is more than happy to help out. One of his favourite spots in the house has got to be the balcony - he loves to play with the soil or the watering cans lying around. Here he is happily play-pretending to water the plants. 

Life lessons

Amidst all the Mothers' Day fanfare, a thought struck me just before I fell asleep yesterday. As much as it is a day where Mothers are being appreciated - and I do appreciate the love and attention; I think I speak truth when I say that the kids have taught me some lessons too.

Here are the top five lessons that my children have taught me: 

1. Unconditional love

I will always remember the bubble of love that erupted the first time I held and laid eyes on my newborns. The miracle of life, the process of being privileged to gestate and nurture my children - it is amazing. There are no questions asked where the kids are concerned - I want to give them my best, I want to give them more than I can, I want them to be happy, I want to protect them. No matter what they have done, I will always love them, forever and ever. They may break my heart - whether intentionally or unintentionally - but I know that no matter what they become, how they behave, I will always love them. No matter how old they become, I will always be their Mother and they will always be my babies.

2. To not judge

Before I was a Mother, I had all these ideals of what kind of Mother I would be. I wanted an open relationship with them, much like how my own Mother is my friend. I wanted to be a "cool" Mom, where I will allow my kids to try out different activities and allow them to experience life. I wanted the kids to be happy and for them to be able to openly share their lives with me. While both kids are still young right now, I still hope that our relationship will become that one day. But, after having been a Mom for all of (only) 3 years and 8 months, I have learnt that as much as you can plan/hope/pray for things to pan out, there will always be more than one side to the cube (I say cube because it is multi-faceted; as opposed to a coin) and that it is easy to judge and pass (unnecessary) comments; and having been on the receiving end of such (dumbass) comments, I now know better. Everyone has their own story to tell, everyone has their own issues/problems/victories/plans - so if you are not that person (you are not), please don't assume anything. I have learnt to be more humble and to accept that everyone is unique and every situation is different, so it's not really fair to pass judgements at all.

3. That I can become a better person
On good days, my kids behave; they listen when I ask them to sit down/keep their toys/wash their dirty hands/not touch something (like an electrical socket - Jake, mostly). I then feel pleased that things are good and I must be a good Mother. I am aware that just because my kids listen to me doesn't make me a better/worse person, but it is so easy to forget not to get riled up over small things because oh boy, kids will be kids and they can be so irritating and they totally know how to get under my skin! There are days that I am ugly - ugly because not only am I physically in my pyjamas with an oily face all day long because I had no time to even brush my teeth, but ugly because my mood is black and I am constantly nagging and yelling at the kids. Kate, being 3 years old, really gets on my nerves sometimes with her tantrums and demands and it is very trying. I forget that she is only a child because she gets so insolent and I yell and yell at her. Those moments are really awful and as much as I wish that I was one of those "better" Mothers who have an infinite resource of patience - I know that this is part of life. I know that each day is a learning curve and as much as I can plan (groceries checked. diapers checked. milk powder checked. playground time checked. behaviour/tantrums? - cannot be checked nor controlled!) it will constantly be a dance between the kids and I as we suss one another's moods out, their developments and emotions are constantly raging because they are still growing and while it is not great to "fight" with them, having these ugly days are normal. And at the end of it all, I will never harm them and that I can become better. By "better", I mean that I will always be seeking to be more patient with them, to be more open in communicating with them, to be more of a "better" Mother - whatever better is, really. There's no end to this state anyway, because we're all organically growing and evolving each day. Even me. Especially me because the children challenge me.

4. Let it go
Again, somewhat related to the psycho-me, where I yearned and desire control on everything, I have learnt that not everything is textbook with children. While there are some simple formulas (opening the door and calling out "playground!" is sure to elicit squeals of delight and absolute co-operation), not everything can be perfect. There have been many occasions where I turned ugly (refer to above point) and I can beat myself up over it. And I get sad, so sad because I think that I have failed. Then I remember that the point of it all is not about failing/passing, it is about picking myself up and moving on. I used to have super depressing moods where I will dwell (unnecessarily) on the shitty things I had done. I have learnt now that while I can feel sucky about spilt milk, it is more important to suck it up and move on. I have to let go of the bad and get on with it because I simply do not have the luxury of being selfish for myself anymore. I have these very important little people in my life and they mean the world to me so no matter how shitty something is, and all I want to do is sit in a corner and cry, I cannot. And in this aspect, they have given me clarity and strength.

5. To give thanks
To be a Mother is an extreme blessing and privilege, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I am given this honour. I'm thankful that I have not one, but two very adorable, lovely and gorgeous children, I am thankful that I have a daughter and a son, I am thankful for their laughter and their pranks, I am thankful for the husband and our little family unit. I am thankful for my parents and my siblings and I am so thankful for everything that we have. I have learnt not to take anything for granted and that I can never give enough thanks. I am humbled by all that I have and I am thankful.

Mothers' Day

We had a simple, very yummy, lunch cooked by the mother. She made stewed chicken in black sauce, boiled green vegetables, steam prawns and the dish of the meal - chili crabs. Everyone tucked in with gusto, licking all our fingers of chilli paste, dunking bread into the lovely gravy. Dessert was chocolate cake followed by mango fruit. Sides of the day included carnations thoughtfully bought by the sister and her boyfriend. Simple celebrations, beyond meaningful.

8 stalks of carnation by each child/partner/grandchild

Happy family

The original 3 with Mommy dearest

And here's a final pic of my secondborn who said "Mommy" - for the first time, once. Happy Mothers' Day! 

Jake-cheeky-Seah

Awesome Saturday at the beach

I always feel that the kids don't get out enough - out in the sun and nature, that is. They have their fair share of going to the malls, supermarkets and hawker centres when we go do our usual eating out and replenishment of groceries. But a child can never have enough of play. So in the past months, I have tried to arrange for them to hit the neighbourhood playground at least twice a week.

Today, a picnic was arranged and I am so glad that the weather was great (sunny but not too hot and there was even a cool wind!) and we all had a blast! 

Faith, Kate & Jake. Missing Shane (Faith's lil bro)

Jake and I, with the waves

Super babysitters

Jake #likeshiok fell asleep and I had to cycle with one arm only #likeaboss

The girls with the same birthday

The rest of Friday

We headed to Gardens by the Bay. Reading up all about Tulipmania, I thought that the MIL will appreciate a walkabout to see the beauty of blooms. I tried inviting my Mom too but she couldn't take time off work, so off we went with the kids in tow.

In a lil patio full of hanging clogs. 

See the pretty red tulips behind? Those were the only ones we saw wholly open and they were truly pretty. See the mass of green behind? Those were all tulips too - but closed, so we missed seeing 80% of the tulips in bloom really. Bummer.  The people selling tickets were trained to forewarn everyone purchasing the tickets, but I still felt cheated because he had said "some tulips are open, the rest are green." Well, I truly beg to differ that this one out of the entire main flowerbed is "some". 

Pretty purple lavender (flanked by more colourful tulips though we only caught them green *pouts)

At the exit of the flower dome, there were many interactive screens that allowed people to play games. The themes were on being eco-friendly, not chopping down trees, being kind to nature that kinda thing and K had fun playing. This is her going about replanting trees she had earlier chopped off in a bid to rebuild nature.

With the disappointing un-bloom tulips, I felt very glad that I'd purchased tickets to the Cloud Forest. The bridges looked rather intimidating from the bottom and K was rather afraid to try it - "Mommy carry me!" she had insisted. I coaxed her to give it a try and held her hands tightly and once she was on the bridge, she realised that it was just like walking on normal ground and wasn't scary at all. So off she went on her own. I was very proud of her.

One group shot for the road

It was my first experience at Gardens by the Bay and it wasn't too bad really, though I say, for the xth time that I was truly disappointed with the unbloom flowers. Having to pay to go in wasn't that fun which made me even more.. ok fine, you know how I feel. But truly, for the kids to see something different, other than another shopping mall or supermarket, I was happy about. And to spend time to bring the MIL out on a walkabout was truly a major highlight for me. She helped look after K since birth and ever since we moved out into our own abode more than a year ago, I know the weekly visits isn't enough and it's apparent with the MIL doting on the kids so. I hope she enjoyed herself today and I hope to arrange for more occasions for ah ma and grandkids to interact. Hope the MIL enjoyed this Mothers' Day intention of mine.

It's been a great day so far

Morning run with the husband - distance wasn't too far but the uneven ground which I'm not used to knocked me out a little.

Lunch with my two favourite men. 

And a yummy coconut tart.