I have mixed feelings.
I know I shouldn't compare, but I supplied enough to feed Kate total breast milk for a whole year. And I truly take pride in being a good mother, to be able to provide for my baby, in giving him the best I can. So I'm mildly shattered that I'm unable to keep up the same for Jake.
I was ill two weeks back and while I managed to maintain my supply through the sick week, my supply suddenly dropped while I was on the mend. I think being tired from lack of sleep and work becoming more hectic plays a part too. So while I was comfortably providing for Jake (slight surplus) before, I am now just providing enough. I know that even if I maintained my best efforts to express milk, it will soon not be enough because Jake's consumption will increase and there will come a point that he may not have enough to drink. I don't want to starve him, so tonight, I headed to purchase an infant tin of formula milk powder. And it was with mixed feelings that I bottle-fed him some formula milk.
I'll give him a feed of formula milk once every night to slowly introduce it to his body, to monitor and ensure that he doesn't have any adverse reactions to it (constipation).
I know I cannot take this too personally, but I cannot help but be a little emo. Sigh. Maybe it's a good thing anyway. I can let go being a cow more easily since it's not as if I had any choice, anyway.
Coincidentally, I read this article today. It's not every day that I have the time and luxury to flip the papers, so I guess it's a sign. I like to think that way cos it makes me feel a little better.
Dear Jake,
You're growing up so quick! Mommy has tried her best but I'm unable to keep up with your growth, so I hope you enjoy the new milk. You're a little ill now and I really hope that you recover soon. And you're definitely teething soon because you're gnawing especially on the left side of your mouth.
Love, Mommy
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