First off, I'm sorry. I was the one who caught the bug but you are the one suffering from it after I inevitably passed it to you. It's been 4 days since and you don't seem to be getting better. In fact, the symptoms which I suffered - runny nose, itchy throat, fever - you got too and more - cough and diarrhea.
I know you must feel terrible and it probably explains the nasty behavior of yours - the tantrums, squealing, irrational outbursts... but it does not make it any easier to have to deal with you. Papa and I have been bristling with each other through the day while we both walk around highly strung from trying to handle you. Bath-time is tedious, washing you takes doubly long - literally when you poop when you'd just been cleaned for one; feeding you is tricky as you refuse to eat anything except for plain rice while picking food off the bowl and playing more than consuming; bringing you out to the mall in a bid to distract you while we run some errands is trying when you cry with no restraints and act like a very naughty child.
I smacked you several times today and got very mad with you for the same thing - in your upset tantrum mode, you hit out at me. They didn't hurt, but the fact remains that you hit me. Once on the arm and the other on my chest, both times when I was carrying you. I had to discipline you because I cannot allow you to behave in this wrongful manner. It is unacceptable and I hope that you understand someday that I mean what I say to you (you're probably too little to grasp this now) "Mommy will always love you but you are very naughty and I am angry with you. I scold you when you have done something wrong and you deserve to be punished."
It really sucks to have to see you cry in hurt (emotionally/physically) when we discipline you but I really think that you do understand what we're trying to tell you and as a typical kid, you are testing your limits. I hope that you are a sensible one and despite you being so very stubborn (really, this really really is one of your apparent traits) I hope that you get what we want to tell you.
I feel guilty when I get so mad with you, as I wonder if there's any way I could have dealt with things better. But things happen for a reason and I just hope that we'll find better ways of dealing with situations as you grow older.
You are asleep now and I hope your body is fighting all the bad germs well so that you will recover quickly. I hate it when you are ill. You look so beautiful and peaceful that I resolve to be a better mom, to be the best and give you nothing but the best. I love you my dear. I really do, but it is so trying sometimes. I hope you understand that I am also an individual, a person and I have my own issues to grapple with too. So forgive me for the not-so-great things, but one thing's constant and will remain so for life - I will always love you.
Be well my love.
Love, Mama
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