#parentingstruggle - reflections

It has been a struggle.

Specifically, my lack of control over myself. It is not new news, but in the last #parentingstruggle moment two nights ago, I paused and reflected (again) and I am reminded that I am in control of myself. Or rather, in my case, it is I should be more in control of myself.

I can blame anything, and anyone, but ultimately, what happens is from me. To be honest, the first step in this acknowledgement, is painful. I am not proud to say that I have bullied my children in my weaker moments of outbursts; but I am going to doggedly continue down this path of self-awareness and pursuit to make things better.

To tell myself of my lousy behaviour is quite shocking, and I am still reeling in this self-realisation. But as with things where we have heard repeatedly, sometimes, it takes the nth time to hear it again to actually understand it.

I am reading through this article I found on the internet and I have been reading through it slowly, and repeatedly. Some gems I pick out include:

...in the storm of our anger, we feel righteously entitled to our fury

The best defense is a good offense, so we lash out at our child in anger. The whole process takes all of two seconds.

Parents and kids have the ability to trigger each other as no one else can. Even as adults we are often irrational in relation to our own parents. (Who has greater power to annoy you and make you act childish than your own mother or father?)

I will continue on this mission.