Thursday, October 27, 2011

Being contented

I'm sitting at the computer at 11.21pm. It is really the last thing I should be doing, the first being to be in bed and asleep since I have a 5.55am wake-up call tomorrow. I have to be at work at 7am and of all nights, I'm insomniac tonight. Bad choice of maccas for dinner with awful fries and even worse, coke which is definitely (I'm attributing) the reason why I'm unable to sleep (dumbdumb sugar & caffeine combo is potent for pregnant me who's been off coffee for months).

I gave up sleeping when Kate fell asleep, so here I am. I only have a 15-hour day tomorrow. No sweat (yeah right). I'm already imagining what my lunch is going to be, how I'm going to best utilize my spare pockets of time between where I can find them, and I suddenly thought of my conversation with some colleagues earlier today.

She's a young, ambitious one who is quite a joy. She is not as young, and we get along very well as I suspect we have the same odd sense of humor. Separately, I spoke with them about work, about character, about different stages of life, and I cannot help but think that I have plenty to be thankful for. I think we can never ever be too thankful of what we have.

I'm definitely in a better place today, than I was years ago. And I always think that the husband played a big part in my life plan. After we got together, I became a lot saner (over time), I was then able to concentrate on developing my character through tough training in my last job, and through my experience of being a Mom the past 2 years - all that has made me the person I am today. My teens were terribly turbulent, with me going through self-discovery in the most extreme manners. I was emotionally unstable (not mad, just... dynamic), constantly seeking for thrills (some bad, some not so bad), always wanting more fun and searching for that balance which I never knew I sought. Life then was a constant whirlwind with me partying, making friends, having laughs, loving hard, fighting hard, drinking hard - everything was about fun, and about me. I was so selfish.

Today, I've learnt to let go when it doesn't really matter. I've learnt to be more suave in my decision-making process. I've learnt that growing up doesn't stop. The husband shared Maslow's hierarchy of needs; and say that a huge percentage (I forget the number) get stuck at the level of seeking material needs. I don't think I'm all past it, but I'm more self-aware which to me, is all important. Today, I am contented.

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