Smelling the roses

I have been under tremendous stress - what with the childbirth, going through un-fun confinement, having to cope with lack of sleep, handling the children, emotional distress and uncertainty, the damn hormones... A lot of it is stress I lay on myself. I know it isn't crucial to do the laundry or pick up mess around the house; the children and their needs come first. But in the midst of the daily grind, I forget - I get so caught up with the to-dos that I'm always frazzled. "I have to do this/ plan for that" though the truth is I do not. I need to stop to breathe and take a chill pill. I need to prioritise and not run blindly and throw myself against the wall countless times.

It is not easy to relax (I'm OCD like that) and I hope to have more fun moments; moments that make it all worthwhile so that I enjoy the whole process. It's not easy all that I am juggling, but there have been some of these jackpot moments. I have played with Kate, did craft with her, read to her leisurely. I enjoy carrying Jake against my body, savouring his smell and looking at his little round face with punky hair. It is 4am and I drag myself out of bed half-dazed, and end up awake after feeding my son and speaking to him softly while changing his diaper. I hear Kate laugh and say "mommy carry" and I hold her in my arms, hugging my first-born who means the world to me. I watch Jake sleeping, listening to his stuffy-nosed breathing and marvel at his growth the past six weeks.

This is to remind myself that this is all a process, that it will pass; a test of my patience and sanity, a test for the husband and I, a chance for us to love each other more, an important time for me to grow, an experience I have to go through (one day I will look back at this period with pride - now I just have to bite the bullet and soldier on).

Got to smell the roses.