I know I have a beautiful and gorgeous daughter. I know that she is going through developments and while she is only little (27 months), she has feelings and she is exploring her boundaries and growing and probably going through a lot too.
Tonight, I got really mad with her. She's been all teary and demanding and fringed on being rude since I was with her in the late afternoon and when she said something insolent (again!) - it really ticked me off. I made her stand in the naughty corner and the more she cried the angrier I got. I yelled louder and louder and I nearly wasn't coherent because I was so mad and the words couldn't even spew out properly.
It's so illogical to be yelling that loudly at a child because she probably was not listening anymore and she was crying because she was upset. I felt like crying too after a while seeing how upset she was and I felt so lost as to what to do. I think I 'lost' the battle tonight because I'm not sure how much of the point I was trying to make got across; I felt so guilty yelling at her and punishing her and... well, I think it's true that both Kate and I felt not-that-great.
Kate's had a long day and I know she's tired and part of why she was behaving that poorly was because she was tired. So I made her milk and escaped to the shower - the MIL gave her the milk and by the time I was out & done with drying my hair (20mins) she was asleep.
And now, I look at her peaceful sleeping face, with that little burrow in her forehead, and I feel all teary inside. I feel awful that I'd yelled at her and even worse that she's gone to sleep without saying "goodnight" and "i love you".
The sister's reminded me before that being a parent is not the same as being a grandparent (when we were talking about our mother) & in a bid to console me that my role is different she surmised, "tough love! that's what you ought to & are doing as a parent!"
Being a parent is just d*mn tough, that's what it is.
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